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Review:Tonks1247 says:
Oh my gosh…I don’t know why I ever let myself fall behind in reading this story. I adore the whole premise of the story and Molly’s character so much and I always find myself lost in the words that when the chapter ends, I feel almost lost. It really does make me wonder why I let myself fall behind, because it is just so fantastic…but I guess the benefit of being behind is I have another chapter to look forward to reading as soon as I finish my review xD

So. I love how you pick up this chapter from the last one. I don’t know what it is exactly about the transition, but Molly slowly waking up –waking up late yet besides- really gives a good correlation to the last one, with her awoken from this strange dream. It makes the connection with how off and weird this dream is for her with the fact that it is very abnormal for her to be getting up late. It gives that foreboding sense of something that’s about to go very wrong very fast and I just love that.

One thing in that first little bit, that I’ll mention now, is the working of the second paragraph. “Blinking repeatedly, although the light is gentle to your eyes and you adjust fairly quickly, you reach awkwardly for your alarm clock to check the time.” The wording, with the interjected part about the light being gentle on her eyes, was rather confusing. I got lost with that sentence and had to read over it a couple of times to catch what you were trying to say. I would suggest rewording the sentence so the added though doesn’t disjoint the sentence so much, if that makes sense?

I also love Louis teasing Molly about being late. It was just one of those moments that made me smile. The light teasing and the disappointment of Molly only being up late to read…it was funny. I could definitely hear the conversation in my head and could definitely hear the same conversation going on between my brother and I xD

With Arithmancy class, I love how O’Leary has to sit next to her. His character is definitely fascinating and Molly’s curiosity with him really makes me want her to talk with him more…to ask him questions and get to know him more so I can get to know him more. Definitely an intriguing character.

This also leads to one of my favourite lines of this chapter, which would be: “Scandal… the word repeats itself in your mind, a whisper. Malevolent, gleeful, curious. Scandal. // The lesson starts then, and the whisper goes away, retreating into the back of your head, muttering quietly to itself, that same, single word over and over again.” Don’t know why but just…I adore the flow and the word choice and just everything about this line.

What else…Oh, chess! I so adore Molly playing against Cassius Sadler in chess. I love the relationship of having these yearly competitions between these two when they really don’t talk to each other much. And I just…the entirety of the chess game has that anticipation to it of who’s gonna win and it’s easy to get drawn in to. And what made it even better was Molly complimenting his playing and letting him know he really is pretty good at chess. It developed her character in such a different way than I expected and it really added a good dynamic to that part of the chapter.

-One thing here: “All around the you, the room falls quiet, silent apart from the occasional whispered instruction to a knight or a pawn or a bishop and the rare scrape of a chair on the wooden floor.” –the ‘the’ before ‘you’ in the first section of this sentence is unneeded.

The rest of the chapter, of course, was amazing. I loved how the conversation with Dominique and how it really made Molly think. It gave her a different perspective on herself and of course further encouraged her to read more of the mysterious book as I really think her cousin’s words affected her… And then her not being able to answer the riddle [if it helps for anything, I definitely could not figure out the password when Molly first heard the riddle, but that’s beside the point xD] and Adonis coming up to let her in…it was good, but weird. Adonis’ character half scares me, half fascinates me. Would really love to know about his character a bit more too, cause gosh…he’s different.

Alright, I think that’s all I have…other than your word choice in this chapter is phenomenal. There were a lot of points in the chapter where I reread a sentence just because it sounded so elegant because of your choice of words. I’d give an example, but now that I’ve mentioned it I can’t find the really impressive places…but really, this was a fantastic chapter! I adored it and cannot wait to go on to the next chapter :D

Great job!

Author's Response: Hi Grimmerz! :) So great to see you back again!

Gah, thank you so much! I'm so glad you're still enjoying the story, it means so much to see you coming back and reviewing again! :)

I'm so glad you liked the beginning scene - I was a little nervous about it because it's not, I guess, very big or dramatic, but it's a step kinda thing, so yeah, I wanted to try and get this feeling of something being wrong or starting to go wrong, so I'm glad that came across!

Ooh, okay, yeah, I think I see what you mean about that now. Yeah, I'll definitely go over it again and see what to do about it - thank you for pointing it out!

Louis! I really love writing Molly's relationship with Louis, it's so much fun to write, so I'm so glad you like it! :)

Ah, O'Leary - yeah, I love writing him. I really like making all the male characters sort of... well, dramaticised typecasts of themselves. So they're all hyped versions of male romantic leads.

Gah, thank you so much! I do quite like writing the little malicious voice :P

Yeah, chess became a lot bigger of a thing in this than I intended it to, but I wanted to show her doing a hobby she loved - like Harry with Quidditch - and the idea of her having a rival, hence Cassius, was so appealing. That scene after the game was so much fun to write, because it meant I could develop both characters beyond what I'd previously put them as, which I liked. I'm so glad you liked it, though!

Ooh, thank you so much for spotting that - I'll edit it out! :)

Haha, the riddles are fun to include - I always have a go at them when I pick them but I can never get them either! I'm so glad you like Dominique and the password section, especially Adonis. He will come up more - he will be revealed in later chapters!

Thank you so so much for the wonderful review! :)

Aph xx

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