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Review:academica says:
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review. Just so you know, you accidentally linked to your author page instead of the story page in your request. In the future, make sure you double-check your links.

I love your characterization of Regulus. For one thing, he seems really confused and emotional, which I think makes sense based on what he's been through. For example, I found it realistic that he missed Sirius and then felt very angry at him. I also like that Regulus thought about the people that he loved and his life in his final moments. Again, I think that fits well with how I see him. I also like the imagery and the way that I could really see the liquid in the basin killing him slowly. I think it really set up the atmosphere of the story, drew me in, and kept me interested.

I noticed a few technical things that seemed to impede the flow slightly for me. I noted a few places where you seemed to switch tenses or awkwardly phrase sentences. Maybe adding in some commas to break up long sentences and trying to avoid using passive voice would help. For example, this sentence seems a bit awkward:

Named after the most recognisable constellation in the heavens, Orion was a man to match such titles.

^I think you could simplify it if you stated things more directly. For example, you could have said, "Orion's personality matched the grand nature of his name, which was taken from one of the most recognizable constellations in the heavens."

In the future, if you're concerned about a challenge entry, I highly recommend making use of the beta forums, especially the Quick Betas. Polishing up those little things can really help sometimes :)

Overall, I think this is nice, especially for your first ever challenge entry! (Congrats, by the way.) I especially liked the ending and the 'brightest star' theme that you tied in throughout the piece. Good luck in the challenges, and I hope this is helpful :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hi Amanda!

I'm sorry for the inconvenience but I'm glad you found it anyway :)

I've recently developed a real fascination with Regulus and I just thought that there is so much more to him, so much more to his relationship with Sirius - who, to me, seemed really bitter when he was talking about him to Harry - and I thought that a love/hate relationship would work best.

And yes! I was worried about that sentence but I couldn't rephrase it so I just left it :P I'll try fixing it up!

Thank you SO much for leaving a review! I really appreciate it and I certainly did find this helpful!! Thanks!


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