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Review:DracoFerret11 says:
Hello again!

Characterization: Okay, let's start here again. So! We have Morgan...who I'm already not fond of. I know it seems too early for me to decide something like that, but that's how I feel right now. It might change later, for all I know. :] I just don't like spoiled brats, and that's how she's coming off right now. I do like the twins, though! Yay Weasleys!

Descriptions: This chapter was already better in details. It was quite dramatic when the twins gave her the nosebleed nougat. I'm wondering, what year are they in in this? They'd have to be at least third years (since that's when they started developing their skiving snackboxes). And where's Lee Jordan? Hmm. Plot holes. :P

Emotions: I liked that Morgan wasn't calm and collected when they played their trick on her. Her panic was refreshing. It would have been very Mary-Sue-ish if she hadn't been upset. Though, her pranking them back in such a creepy way seemed a little bizarre.

Plot: Another interesting chapter! I wonder how she'll form a friendship with Fred and George after they just annoyed her so much. We'll have to see!

I think this is a good introduction of the twins. I'm worried that Morgan might become a Mary-Sue given time, so try to watch out for that. And remember to try putting yourself in all of your characters' shoes to decide on their reactions to things. That always helps me. :]

Keep up the good work. I'll review again soon.

--Emily

Author's Response: hey, thank you for reviewing :)

Morgan is not supposed to be likeable ;) she has many bad qualities, as most brilliant people do.

I left out lee jordan purposefully, because he never really had much of a role in the books. I think he might only get in the way. Although I do try to stay true to cannon and to the original HP feeling, I would also like to avoid getting lost in a meticulous construction of details that are irrelevant to my story. I'm glad you pointed it out though! It shows that you are truly detailed in your review and have exactly the critical eye I was hoping for :)

I would like to know what seemed bizarre about Morgan's prank? So far, I've been trying to show how much of a hidden psycho she is, a loner with a pretty mask. She is a girl who never really figured out the line between right and wrong. During the story, some characters will be there to help her find that line, but other circumstances will let her lose it again. She is intended to get weirder and weirder as the story progresses, but I didn't even think that it had set in already...If you can, please come back to this point in your next review, it would help greatly :)

Thank you for watching out about Morgan's Mary-Sue-ness, the danger is there and I know it :S That is always a problem with characters that are intended to become important and powerful people. Considering the things I have planned for her, she MUST be highly intelligent, highly driven and also, she must attract those characters, that will help her get where she is going. Please do point out anything that you think is unconvincing, it would help me a lot!


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