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Review:DracoFerret11 says:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums here to review for you for the Bronze vs Blue battle! :D So, let's go over things:

Style: Normally I don't start by talking about this, but I really wanted to in your case. I think your style really lent itself to this story. I could actually imagine this as a published book. It was really beautiful just HOW you wrote this. Great job.

Characterization: Okay! So we've got Persephone and Arnold in this chapter. Both were quite good, though I must admit that I wasn't overly fond of either of their last names. Anyhow, their characterization was good despite the surnames. ;] I liked that Persephone was doing what it took to protect her family, even at the expense of her own happiness. That's a great characteristic for a heroine. And Arnold was the perfect mix of disdainful and complex. You wrote him in a way that made readers confused about his intentions, which I liked.

Descriptions: I LOVED that I could really see everything that was happening in this story. It was very poignant how you described the rain and the unobtrusive house and the carriage. We didn't get many details about how the characters looked, though. But that's the only place that you slipped on descriptions. Everywhere else, they were great.

Emotions: I liked that I could see that Persephone was making this choice to protect her family. That's a very good motivation. I think you handled it well. Overall, I liked the emotions in this a lot. :D

Plot: You definitely have the beginnings of an interesting story here! I like that it's set in a past time and that there's something intriguing about the "Society." That brings readers in very quickly. Nicely done!

Great beginning to a story. This was a very interesting chapter and I'm sure you'll do well when you write more. Keep up the good work!

--Emily

Author's Response: Thanks for your awesome review!!

I'm really glad that you liked the way I wrote this... It was just something that I had a quick idea for one day, and so I wrote it all down with no inkling of where the plot should go or how the characters should act. After much editing, this is the result. It's definitely come to mean a lot more than it once did!!

As far as the last names... I see your point. I was trying to make them seem strange, but I think I went a little too far with "Nimbletrout." It's kind of far-fetched. And "Castleberry" doesn't quite fit Persephone, either. Thanks for pointing their surnames out to me... Otherwise, I would have left them the same. Later on when I find the time, I'll give them better last names. It would definitely benefit the story, I think!

Thank you so much for your wonderful compliments and suggestions!!

~~UnluckyStar57


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