Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:shadowycorner says:
Hey there, here from the review tag! I see you have an interesting story here. I love that you picked two really obscure characters, which we know nothing about. Well, I guess Tracey is an OC since I only recognize the last name Davies, as in Roger Davies. I'm curious whether her'll be featured as a member of her family?

I wonder how this will happen since dating as a single parent brings along all sorts of complications.

One thing I'd suggest...I understand this, since it's been written for NaNo, where words are needed everywhere, but I suggest that in the editing process, you cut some of the descriptions of all the actions your character does. That, or divide it up and put some dialogue or plot between. It's nice to see Tracey taking care of Audrey, but instead of describing their entire day in detail, you could show them talking. Dialogue added with description shows for a much more dynamic portrayal of anything (character, relationship, etc.). Same goes for the scene in the restaurant. I think it's a bit unnecessary to let us know every little thing she does since she came into work that day, but then when Theo arrives, he just asks her straight out on a date with hardly talking to her before.

I hope you're not mad, I think the story and writing is pretty good so far. And what I've mentioned is nothing major, just the NaNo result. :D I've been there, don't worry.

Author's Response: Tracey Davis is not an oc as much as I wish I had thought her up but she is actually one of J K's characters though she is only known because she is on the piece of paper that lists all of Harry's classmates but she is never mentioned in the books. Roger Davies wont be in this story as they aren't related.. I had first thought so too but she is Davis and he is Davies.. I know they are way too close of last names lol! Yeah I know this needs to be fixed like something horrible but as I've lost my outline for it, I dont want to get a beta yet and have them wait x amount of time for a chapter to be written without having the outline on hand. But when I do go through and edit this I will keep all of your suggestions in mind. Thank you very much for the wonderful review!

~Slytherinchica08~


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 789
Submit Report: