Hi Amanda! You have wonderful timing with your request.. This is my 500th review! I'm so happy it gets to go to such a lovely story and author. (Yay milestones!)
While you don't actually write the words, you really get the sense that Regulus is in over his head with the boys he is hanging out with. I loved how you even managed to intertwine his disgust with the firewhiskey's effects to the situation. He watches the boys drink without hesitation, and they're the boys ready to join Voldemort. Lovely connection.
His voice sounded quiet, even timid. He could almost be her childhood friend again, speaking softly to her beneath the shade of an ancient willow tree.
You have to know I loved these sentences. I can just perfectly picture that little flashback to the pair as childhood friends and I think it was so nicely placed after the intense moment with the future death eaters in the Hog's Head.
So then we go into the Lily and Severus conversation. I really enjoyed your characterization of Lily here. Though I think the initial idea would be that it is forced (not your writing, her actions), I think it gives a little bit of hope that she actually really wants to make things better. I think Severus was very in character here, being very skeptical of her actions and eventually going to that it was indeed someone else that had talked her in to speaking to him. Though he still did manage to compliment her, he became a tad possessive which I think all fit very well into the dialogue/his mannerisms.
Leading me to my next point, you mentioned the dialogue in your request. I think the conversation between Severus and Lily went very well and flowed well. I think your characterization of Peter really helped that part go through smoothly. At first I sort of saw him as the timid one, getting busted by Lily for buying the joke shop products, and then he seemed to turn around when he had the upper edge that she was talking to Severus. I think that little progression really put him in with 'The Marauders' very well, which - unfortunately - is a rarity in Marauder stories. He really was one of the guys that the other three, and Lily, trusted. Overall I think you did a good job including character-like mannerisms into the dialogue, making it work very well :)
I think all of your transitions/POV changes in this chapter worked because they each ended in a similar way, that witty bit of dialogue to end in a laugh. Because the two different parties ended up intertwining with the Severus and Lily conversation, I do think that things flowed smoothly together.
And the ending. The look the two brothers shared gave the same sense of false hope that Severus running away from Lily gave, intertwining them at another point. I think you're doing such a marvelous job relating two seemingly opposite characters, from the actual conversation shared to the little moments such as the ending.
Again, I get to the end of a review and I go back and read it and it's all praise. Hopefully - if not helpful - it puts your mind at ease a little bit on some of the things you may be concerned about. Keep up the brilliant work; I can't wait to read more :)
Author's Response: Julie, how many ways can I say THANK YOU? Because there simply aren't enough in existence. Just please know that I'm so, so grateful for you coming by to review, rec-ing my story on the forums, and just being generally awesome. Congrats on your 500th review; I'm so happy to have received it! :)
I'm happy that it was obvious to you that Regulus isn't quite as ready to hang out with the "big boys" as he might have thought. I wanted to show that he's still got a conscience, that he's still got some features characteristic of a normal teenage boy, and yet he's going to have to put all that aside if he wants to join Lord Voldemort. Poor guy.
I loved writing those sentences :) I'm glad that it triggered the film memory for you.
It's great that you liked the Snape/Lily exchange! I definitely wanted to suggest awkwardness for both Snape and Lily, just in different ways. For Lily, I think it's in terms of how much she's willing to give here. For Snape, I think it's trying to balance his somewhat snide personality with his lingering affection for the girl who broke his heart. I'm glad you caught the hint of possessiveness, because that's part of my personal quest to play up Severus's less attractive qualities.
I think the part with Peter was where I was most concerned about the dialogue, especially since I don't write him much, so I'm happy to see that it worked well. I did really want to give the sense that he is included and does count as a Marauder, and that right now Lily does consider him to be a friend she can trust.
It's great that you liked the transitions. I'm still working on writing humor, but I wanted to relieve some of the overall tension of the chapter with splashes here and there. I'm happy that you like the way the two main plot lines are intertwining, too.
Again, you're so wonderful, which is what I think every time I get a review from you. Thanks for coming by! I'll be sure to let you know when I get the next chapter written :)