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Review:manno_malfoy says:
Hello, I'm here with your requested review!

First of all, YAY for Next-Gen! Even though I love Next-Gen, I have to admit that your story is probably the first one that I read about Roxanne. She's not written about often, but it's always nice to see her around! I also like the family spirit you've shown here. Lucy and Molly seem to be so, so supportive and they're just so charismatic and adorable.

I think you have a nice way with words; you describe things so simply yet manage to make them vivid enough for the emotions to come across. I believe that's a very important aspect when it comes to teen pregnancy stories; so well done! You went right into the action, there were no boring introductions and you let us get to know a bit about each Roxy, Lucy, Molly, and Bentley through their behaviour rather than telling us about them, so that's great as well.

As for grammar, I think that there have been a few mistakes, but mostly, it went well and nothing stood out.

For example: 'I honestly don't know how he thinks he's going to win an argument between two...'
Here, your tense shifted to present when all of your chapter was in past tense. I also believe that 'against' would work better than 'between', but maybe that's just me.

I like the mysterious bit that arose between Molly and Bentley and I would love to see where that's going to go. I think you've done well with this as a first chapter and that you've made Roxanne very special. Great job and keep on writing! :D


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