Hello -- TenthWeasleyWriter here with your requested review!
This was a really cute beginning to your story! Normally most of the Sirius/OCs I read are, I admit, a bit overworked and dry (that is the unfortunate pitfall of writing a fairly popular pairing), but already yours seems very fresh. There are a few of the common themes, i.e. an OC's annoyance with the Marauders, but I don't say that to criticize. Good writing trumps all common arcs, and honestly, I've used them myself, so far be it from me to judge. ;)
I'm very curious as to how Andy's assocations with Sirius will work out into an actual relationship, and I think you've already laid the foundation for that well. And again I'll commend you on avoiding becoming a dime-a-dozen story just by making your characters seem real. There's nothing forced about them thus far; they seem genuine, and that's fun to read! And another thing that makes good reading is your ability to write. Spelling and mechanics and grammar -- all are really, really well looked-over here, and I can't thank you for that enough. There was nothing to distract me from the story itself, and as a reader, I want to be able to read instead of stop every time a misspelling catches my eye, you know? So fantastic work there!
You've got great humor here, too, before I forget to mention it. ;) Several lines, especially tossed out among the girls, made me crack a smile. Like the Star Wars reference! :3 And I think you've got the perfect humorous voice for a light, funny romantic fic, and as long as you keep writing thus, there shouldn't be any qualms in that department.
The only thing I think might need a bit of work as far as this first chapter goes is fleshing out your characters just a bit more -- especially Andy. If she's going to be the main character in your story, we want to be there with her, feeling the things she feels, being angry at the people she's mad at, etc. We've got a good sense of her voice, coming from the first person tense, but we don't know her, or, really, her best friends (apart from Lily). You've made me want to know them, so let your readers in!
Other than that, though, I honestly can't find anything else to criticize. You've really got a good start to this story with this chapter, and if you're in the mood to re-request for the second chapter, I'd be only too happy to oblige. :) Keep up the fantastic work, and thank you for stopping by!
Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks for stopping by.
I won't deny that this is a story absolutely teeming with cliches, and my pairing is probably a bit overworked and dry, but it's fun to write and hopefully to read! I also spent a lot of time working on the dynamic between Andy and her friends, and I'm really pleased to hear that you find it realistic.
Thank you again for this -- your comments are genuinely very helpful! I'll be by to rerequest ;) â¥