Ah Ha! That's where the AU comes in! I was looking for you, alternate universe!
Anyway: I think this is the first requested review I've done for you, right? My request style is - I list anything odd I saw first then get to the actual review part :).
The only things I noticed was
1) using forehead twice in the same sentence in the first paragraph
2) Now I'm not sure about this. But, I was going to say in that same paragraph - you state that he raised an absent hand which immediately made me thing of him raising his arm but there was no hand attached. He absently raised a hand might help that. But now that I know what kind of mental condition he's in, maybe he really didn't raise a hand and just thought he did and that's why it's absent.
I *love* your exploration of his psyche in this. Especially the sentence that says something along the lines of that being the first time Harry wondered if he was going mad, but not the last. That felt very powerful and really set the perfect tone.
I'm not a big Harry fan, I felt like he was kind of a whiny brat during Ootp, but you've really made me want to just make things better for him in this. We get a look at what his fears are through JKR, but this completely submerges us in the what if. What if Voldemort had been controlling and ripping his psyche apart from the seams? It's an incredible disturbing but very intriguing premises.
The only thing I felt like this was missing (and take this with a grain of salt, because for some reason I had just gotten it into my head that it would be here) is more physical symptoms. Like - with dissociative identity disorder, it's very common for a person to vomit, to spike a fever, those kinds of physical reactions to the switching of the personalities. Harry's is much more extreme, because it's not his own mind making the switch, it's the control of something else affecting him. I kept waiting for him to go into the bathroom and be violently ill after one of the episodes where the voice speaks to him.
You do an amazing job of giving me a headache when you describe the sensations of his scar. I swear, I wanted to clench my forehead because I felt like it was going to start pounding any second!
Everything flowed beautifully smooth, as always. Your choice of words were perfect, there were never any details or descriptions that felt out of place; each one of them strengthened it rather than overpowering.
You asked if this was any good on your request: YES! This is amazing, it's captivating and honestly, I find it really believable. Terrifyingly so, actually. I think this is a really strong piece that kept me in chills the whole way through, as always - your writing brings things to life.
Great job, and I hope I was able to be of some help!
Author's Response: Ooh, thank you for catching those little things! I always seem to do a poor job of it myself -- I've corrected the first paragraph accordingly. ;)
Exploring Harry's mental condition is... I won't say it's a hobby, but I actually find myself thinking about it quite a bit, and wondering just how he dealt with having Voldemort inside of his mind, you know? And this is the second time I've written a one-shot about it, so I guess it is something I like doing, writing about crazies. :P I think Voldemort could have done so much more damage to Harry if he'd realized exactly what the mental connection between them was, and really we should be thankful he DIDN'T do more.
Ooh, how interesting. I've read just a bit about dissociative disorders (and am actually looking forward to a psychology class this semester so I can further investigate those sorts of things!), but I've never really heard much about the physical aspects of it. I do think, though, that Harry's case is unique; it's less about multiple personality disorder than it is a fusing of two completely real people, if that makes any sense at all. I don't think it's something that can be properly defined, because, well, no mental connection like this exists in our "Muggle" world. Thank you for the suggestion, though -- it's definitely something to think about!
Thank you so much for being willing to leave me a review on this story, Jami! ♥ I was a little worried upon posting it -- I never really can gauge what sorts of stories people will like, you know? But your encouragement to that end really is just so sweet, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate your kind words. :) You're awesome!