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Review:Jchrissy says:
Hello! Here for your review!

So, I think you have a lot interesting aspects of this story. I like the narrative voice you've given Aislin, although you do switch tenses so be careful of that. I also enjoyed her sense of humor. I didn't really get much imagery or descriptions from this prologue, so I think that would be the biggest thing to work on. What did she feel, see, hear, taste when the werewolf was attacking her? Was her heart racing? Did she have salty tears down her face? What about the caste - did the view of it from the night time stroll captivate her? Remember, I'm not in your head. I have no idea what you are seeing, so if you don't tell me - I just have two stick people in my head acting out your words.

You have a very smooth flow and I love that you've just thrown us into the story,that really makes for an interesting start. Things seem a bit too convenient so far - so I would be careful at making sure everything actually becomes part of this story.

I think so far though you have a great hold on your characters, you are stepping a bit into cliche territory with the Sirius as Gryffindor playboy type of thing, but it's hard not to because most FF do the same thing as well.

My biggest suggested would be to try and read this as if you weren't the one who wrote it, like you have no idea of the setting or anything, that should help you figure out where to strengthen your descriptions.

I'm excited to see where you take this, like I said you have a solid and interesting beginning!

Thanks for requesting!

Jami

Author's Response: Thanks for responding so quickly! I'll definitely go back and edit this at some point, and pay finer attention to description.

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