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Review:SilentConfession says:
Hi! I'm here for that requested review i owe you! Sorry it's taken so long, it's been a busy few weeks for me.

I've never read an Ignotius's story before, ever. So this is really interesting for me because it's such new territory. I think you began an interesting spot which seems to beg more questions than it answers. This is always good and i love first chapters that are a bit ambiguous and don't lay down everything. It makes me want to continue on with a story when the author does that because i feel like there is more to the story. I don't feel like I really know what to expect with this story or where you are doing with it. These questions will need to be answered soon but for a first chapter i think it's good to leave the reader guessing a little.

Your descriptions were good here actually. I felt like i could easily picture in my head the house and what was happening around them. Keep paying attention to detail and being able to describe what's happening around them and you shouldn't have to worry about anything. However, saying that, there were some grammar issues like misplaced comma's or just twisty sounding sentences that broke up the flow of this and sometimes made it hard to imagine what was going on. It tripped me up some so i'd suggest going back and maybe reading it out loud to yourself to keep iron that out. Although it is difficult to write with older english and to keep the story in that time period, it shouldn't be chunky which i felt at a few places it was.

I think Ignotus seems believable at this point. He does seem a lot older than his age and the only thing i can say is just be careful to not go overboard with it. For me, at this point it does not seem justified to why he's like this or what made him such a serious kid. I'd like to see that motivation at some point. However, i do think this has a good start on the character we know in canon. I just think that he'll need to be expanded on in later chapters for me to believe his wisdom.

I liked the feeling of this chapter, it seemed old fashioned and it worked for me. There was stiffness and formality in a lot of the relationships here which made sense to me as it's how i imagine those dinner parties would be. I liked how his interest in Anastasia evolved and how it was only when he realized that there was something that needed to be solved that he became interested in the conversation. That was a great piece of characterization for him and i thought that it was this interaction that gave a little of the plot away of the story and what we can expect from the story.

You switched POV's a few times in this chapter alone. I'm not sure if this was intentional or not but i just wanted to point it out. Sometimes POV changes work really well as long as it isn't too quickly and the transitions are intentional and smooth. I don't think there was too much of an issue of that in this chapter, but just keep watch out for that in later chapters as well :D

Thank you for requesting me! I hope you found this review helpful :D
-zayne

Author's Response: Thank you so, so much for this wonderfully thorough review! And I'm so sorry for taking this long to respond; I've been having a busy week as well. :)

First of all, thank you for all your compliments. It really is such a relief to hear that you thought this was an interesting first chapter. I'm never really good with beginnings... And I think some of the questions will be answered soon. Gradually, but soon.

Also I'm glad to hear that the description was okay here. As for the wonky-ness of the sentences, well, a bit after you've left me this wonderful review, an edited and beta'd version of the chapter appeared on the archive.I hope that some of this chapter's technical problems have been fixed in it.

And I'll try my best to not make Ignotus overly mature! I think we'll see him relax a little as the story moves on.

Again, thank you for the amazingly helpful review and thanks for reading!

-Manno




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