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Review:Jchrissy says:
Okay, I really think you’ve taken a great step in this chapter. I think that ‘everyday’ type scenes are skipped over by writers so much because they aren’t dramatic or crazy or anything, but they are so insanely important in giving us realistic characters. They make everything feel like it’s not just words and chapters, but an actual story.

Anyway, I think that you’ve started in a very strong and stable place. I like that you are avoiding the cliches - our main characters and Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, and it’s clear Catie likes Sirius but we know she’ll end up with Sera, how will that happen? What kind of toll will it take on the friendship?

You’ve set us up for really interesting situation and made me really excited to see how it will play out!

Now onto more Sirius (serious haha) things - which aren’t actually more serious, but I just wanted to use that. mwahaha.

I love that you are giving us such a good insight to what is happening with Sera’s mother, and showing us what a great friend Dorcas is really helps her character start to form. But, the dialogue seems a bit... obvious. Only pieces of it, though. Maybe some hesitation before Dorcas asks those very painful questions, or her asking them in more of a whisper.. something like that to show the seriousness of the conversation. And because they’ve been friends for six years, I’m sure she knows Sera’s feelings towards morning in general, and it seems odd she would bring up such an emotional thing so easily.. you know? The fact that she is opening the daily prophet is a great lead in to it is hard to pass up, so maybe just make the conversation seem more quiet, hushed, more like walking on egg shells?

I really think the characters you’ve introduced are strong ones that you are giving a great foundation. They are all different and individual, and I want to know what the heck is wrong with Sera’s maman!! You’ve already crossed of regular Alzheimer's, I must know!!!

Anyway, I really liked this chapter and am excited for the next one!

Hope this review was helpful!

Jami

Author's Response: Hey ^^

I agree! The 'everyday stuff' gets skipped so often! I'm always frowning about that when I read stories where the kids have practically no homework and don't ever go to classes.

Yeah, that's what I'll try to do, avoid the cliches as well as possible!

Aah, I see what you mean. That's a really good point. In my head they were sitting quite far from the other puffs so the conversation was pretty private, but I should've made that more clearer. I'll add something to it once I edit this! Thanks for pointing it out ^^

You'll find a bit more about Sera's mum's condition in the next chapter which should clear some things (and also give you more things to question (; )

Thank you so much for this lovely and helpful! review! (: I'll definitely re-request once the next chapter is out!


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