|Review:||Violet Gryfindor says:|
Here for review tag! ^_^ I'm glad I was able to read something of yours, especially a story like this - it was wonderfully done!
The moment you chose for this one-shot is very unique, a moment of agony and realization that isn't often portrayed in fanfiction, if at all. Usually, people write about the moment after, when Sirius discovers the Potters' bodies. But here, what's brilliant about this story is that he doesn't yet know - the readers do, which makes it so much more painful because we know what comes next and how things will end for Sirius. I like your use of fragmentary sentences and repetition to heighten the tension and the amount of emotion Sirius is experiencing. The story moves quickly and flows very well - and you make sure that every word counts, that each one has an effect upon the reader.
I'm fascinated by your use of the note at the beginning. It caught my attention right away with its language and the excuse that Peter gives for his actions. Perhaps the fact that he writes any note at all is what stands out, but it makes sense because, no matter what, they are still the Marauders - and, I'm sad to say, Peter is right: the Potters would have died no matter what, just at a different time, in a different way. Peter, on the other hand, readily admits his own fear of death, and the self-destructing note further demonstrates his cowardice. His weakness, however, is that he doesn't seem to realize that Lily and James weren't ready to die either. They fought until the end, and there's no evidence to suggest that they would have welcomed Death as an old friend as Harry did in DH. In one line, you do so much and it's incredible - I love finding those kind of complexities in stories.
The one little thing I want to point out is the line late in the story: Sirius had suggest Peter. I think you mean "suggested" instead. Otherwise, this was perfectly done. It was wonderful to have come across this story - I really enjoyed reading it! :D
Author's Response: Oops I've edited that typo out, thank you for pointing my out. And - ah!
I LOVE when those little things in stories are picked up. Seriously, where you in my brain when you wrote this??? Because your thoughts basically followed mine to a T. Especially regarding the note. He needed to tell them, he needed to do something - but in the same time he thought what he said could be considered a justification, he didn't realize that he was trading three lives for his miserable one. Or he did, and it just didn't matter enough to him.
blah. Stupid rat. I want to make him walk off a cliff of something - but then I can't, because I have to make myself like him to write him for my novel. Blah.
Seriously, getting this kind of review from such a talented author has made my week, you're incredible, thank you so much for this!