Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Jchrissy says:
I think you have a really great idea here, and with the other chapters it's obvious to see you are very dedicated to this story.

But, I do find it a bit confusing. I feel like maybe actually describing what is happening as opposed to listening what Al is doing would help make it feel less like a step by step and more like a sink into me story. For example:

-When I think Iíve written just about all I can, I decide to read it over one last time before going to bed.

There's nothing *wrong* with that sentence, but it also doesn't make me feel like I'm reading story. Finding different ways to talk about what he's doing without actually listing what he's doing will go a long way, I think.

Another point of CC that I feel like I should point out is Al's level of internal maturity. The way he talks and processes is mature, but I've seen a handful of young teenagers seem to be much older than they are - but I haven't come into contact with a thirteen year old that is so self aware in such an adult way.

Most thirteen year old children know they want to be different, but couldn't exactly articulate that in such an adult manner. The part when he writes that he cherishes the physical different, that's the kind of maturity that not even an adult would be able to master. So, if Al does continue like this, I think my piece of advice would be to have direct reasons, obvious proof he's always been an old soul.. that kind of thing :)

I really like how you've set your characters up, because it makes me want to care about them and see Al finally be happy with himself, so I think in terms of knowing the people you're creating, you're doing a great job.

Thanks for being a lovely Gryffie!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 425
Submit Report: