Hi, there! Thanks so much for doing your part to help Gryffindor take the cup! Here is your review.
Spooky! If ever there was a lesson in using the Buddy System, this is it!
You did such a great job of creating tension and suspense in this. At any moment, I expected the Death Eaters to pounce. Of course, it doesn't hurt that we know that's what's going to happen, but still, this was very well written.
Times must have been really bad. It's hard to imagine hooded men walking down the streets of London with impunity in 1981. In 2012, well, perhaps. ;) But it speaks to how grim the world was that the Death Eaters walked about with no worries and the good guys had to go sneaking around.
Your characterization of Caradoc was interesting. The stress of the situation was definitely getting to him, along with all of the competing emotions. Moody definitely would not have approved.
The descriptions you laid out of the bad part of London (a bad part of London. I guess there's probably more than one) were vivid and easy to follow in my mind. The homeless man was an eerie touch. I can almost imagine the crazed look on his face as he pushed Caradoc away.
Poor Dorcas. I've really taken a liking to her character based on a couple of fics I've read recently. She's such a brave, loyal girl in my headcanon. I can understand why Caradoc was so eager to capture or kill the Death Eaters.
But in the end, he's captured by Lucius and the Lestranges, who already seem eager to deliver something of value to their master. I can't imagine the horrible fate he suffered.
Your writing was terrific in this. Everything flowed really nicely. I think maybe I caught one, small typo:
-- “I always knew he was too cocky for his own good!” - If this is referring to Dorcas being cocky, it should be "she" and "her".
Nicely done and thanks for the points!
Author's Response: No problem. ^_^ Anything for Gryffindor, haha.
Damn right. The Buddy System - that stuff saves lives.
Mystery is so out of my depth, and trying to keep it suspenseful nearly killed me, so it's brilliant to hear that you thought it actually worked.
Caradoc is an interesting character, and one that I've really enjoyed exploring more, both in Canis Major and in this one-shot. I'm glad that you liked his characterisation. He's different, but I found it fun to challenge myself.
I didn't even know where I was going with this when I started it, but I could just see an eerie London street, with cloaked figures and slightly crazy men. It's grimy, it's cold, and it gives you a queasy feeling in your stomach from just being there. If you managed to get that impression, then I'm a happy person. As I said before, I didn't know where this was going, and was so different from other stuff I've written; I was so worried that what I was writing wouldn't make sense to anyone but me.
I don't even want to think about what happened to him after he opened his eyes. That's why I stopped it there. I was like, 'well, that's quite enough of that.'
Oh noes! A pesky typo! I'll jump on that, ASAP. Cheers for pointing that out, Dan.
Haha, no problems! Thanks for offering to review. It's really kind of you and Jami. ^_^
- Adele :)