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Review:Moonyxluna says:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review :)

I liked Sirius here. From what I picked up this is happening right after the time he ran away and went to live with the Potters? This is a tough time for Sirius so I thought it was sweet to see him in a concerned light as he was worried for Lindsey. It brings a bit of originality to his character to see him 'chasing' (I don't know if it will happen or not, but I guess I'll see!) after a girl vs having every girl in the school fawn after him. I also liked at the end how you had him want to go to sleep reading; I thought that was an original touch, too.

My biggest concern is Lindsey, and it's mostly a technical thing. My question is why haven't we heard about James Potter's sister? Certainly not to the same extent, but it's sort of the same idea as creating an extra Weasley kid or Harry Potter's long lost sister. Don't get me wrong, it isn't always a bad thing, but it's something you have to take concern of to keep your story sounding realistic. (I hope that made sense!)

Other than the technicality, I did like what you have set up with her character. I think she brings a good balance to Sirius so far that he has the 'family ties' of Bellatrix doing something to someone so near and dear (his best friend's brother). It definitely ups the 'reader interest' so good work there!

I noticed a few dialogue tags/ misused punctuation, but it was nothing that really took away from the storyline/flow, just something for if you edit.

Keep up the lovely work! This was a very intriguing start and I am looking forward to seeing more.


Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! I have a plot that will place this story firmly into the cannon by the end, so no worries. :) You're a doll.

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