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Review:LunarLuna says:
Hello! I'm here from the review tag ;) So first off I'd like to say I like the concept, and how this is going!^^ You have cool characters, that seem realistic and the humor's pretty good. I'd only suggest working on some more description because the chapter is a little fast-paced and it's hard to follow with all the dialogue and hardly any description.

I know it's hard, I do the same thing, description's kinda dull to write when you're trying to fill in with humor and a lot of action, but it really helps the chapter flow and overall feel. It makes the chapter seem a little less charged and the humor's even funnier because it's more... hum.. "surprising" if you know what I mean? Since there are softer, more informal parts, the silly internal rants of characters sound even better ;)

Other than that the french was okay but with a few tiny grammatical errors. Don't worry, it's still pretty good, it's just because I did most of my schooling up until now in french ;) So basically it should be:

"Je suis desolee. Je ne parle pas anglais!"

You add an "e" because the speaker is feminine. I know, french is weird and complicated xD

and:

"Pas de probleme. Comment tu t'appelle? Moi c'est Louis et je suis francais, en fait... ma mere est francaise... Mais elle m'a appris la langue."

Here it's the same thing for the mon/ma. since her mother is (obviously) a woman, it's "ma" instead of "mon" as for the rest it's not important, just me twiddling so that's it's a slightly more realistic and less robotic french speech ;) the translation changes a bit though, it'd be:

"No problem. What's your name? I'm Louis and I'm French, well... my mother's french... but she taught me the language"

So now that I've finished my french grammar class xD (sorry about that by the way! I just can't help myself when I see french text ;) ) I just wanted to say this is really good!^^ I love Louis/OC and I really like where this is going! :D

xxx

-June

PS: The accents in the french quotes came out as weird symbols in the review so I had to replace them by the regular no-accent letters, you had the accents right though, just saying in case you were worrying :P

Author's Response: Thank you!
Yeah, it seems pretty fast paced to me as well but when I have more time, I'll probably add more details :)
I can't believe I forgot the extra 'e'! That was the only bit I used to be good at! Argh! But thank you for pointing it out :D
Hm... I may change it to your way, it does make more sense. I only learnt the robotic way in school ;)
It's alright, French grammar lessons are always welcomed :D
Thank you so much again! I love Louis/OC stories too ;)
Thanks for reviewing :D


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