Hi, there! Thanks so much for doing your part to help Gryffindor take the cup! Here is your review.
Wow. This was a starkly different vision of the final battle. One where you've changed up the surviving players in a big way and rolled the dice in a completely different direction from your average "what happened after Harry wondered whether Kreacher would bring him a sandwich" fic. I have to say that I am very intrigued to see where they land.
The idea of Ron as a villain was admittedly jarring at first, but the more I think about it, the easier it is to imagine how it could have happened. What if he never changed his mind after fleeing Harry and Hermione? What if Bill had chased him from Shell Cottage and he had chosen a different path? What if the bitterness and resentment, nurtured by the horcrux in Salazar Slytherin's locket, were simply too deep to be overcome? It all holds together in a scary sort of way. Far to easy to imagine.
But you killed Ginny! Augh, you killed Ginny! OK, in fairness, I can see why it was absolutely required for where this story appears to be heading. And it certainly imbued Ron's final act with complete believability.
And now Harry and Hermione are off into the big, bad world to hunt Death Eaters. It shouldn't be quite as horrible now that their dark master is deceased, but I have a feeling you're going to find a way to make it be. You're kind of evil, you know that? ;)
Two things that you might really want to think about when you go to edit this. First, as a matter of canon, the killed curse cannot be blocked with a shield charm. So when Harry moves to protect McGonagall, you might want to have Voldemort use a different spell. Second -- and I think this is much more serious -- you need to footnote the sections of dialog between Harry and Voldemort that came from Deathly Hallows, crediting the source. Otherwise, I think you have a ToS issue here.
Your writing was good in this. I thought the scene flowed nicely. I didn't see any typos or grammatical issues.
You have a very interesting premise going on. I feel like I want to read more, but since Jami just tricked me into agreeing do read and review who knows how many chapters, it might be a while before I make it back. Thanks again!
Author's Response: Wow now that is some review. And I shall always do all I can to help us Lions over the line.
I am so syched that you enjoyed the modified battle, which really (as in the other fic I use a smiliar setting) was only there to setup the basis of the future chapters, and as a way to explain character appearences/absences in the rest of the story.
I have always seen Ron as having the potential to embrace that darker side we all have, and this fic has given me the chance to explore that, even if only a little, and (if you do read further at any stage) there is a little flashback that somewhat explains Rons actions here, but saying any more on that would be telling. I actually think one day i may run a spin off from this that tells Rons side of the story.
I am sorry, and for the purpose of the story, her death wasn't truly necessary, but it instantly solved any questions about why Harry left her behind, etc. So sorry Ginny but you have to go.
Yes, tracking down the Death Eaters. I always found it terribly unbelievable that jsut because Voldemort was gone all the Death Eaters would just stop being evil. Someone will always step up and take over. i can't believe it happened the first time like that. Surely someone like Bella or Lucius would have taken the reins quite happily. But like with many of these kinds of stories, the underlings can often be worse than their leaders, and without the firm guidance of said leader could cause some serious damage. I like being evil, it's much more fun to write.
I will definately look back over this whole chapter on those points and fix it up. I think this part was written in a bit of a rush to get to the stuff later on and wasn't quite given the full attention it deserved. And on the ToS issue, big thank you for pointing it out and I'll get that ironed out as soon as possible.
I hope that one day you do have the time to come back and see how things pan out from here. I got really stuc on this for a long time but have recently found a way out of the wall i wrote myself into and should be continuing on with it shortly. I am super glad you enjoyed it and hope I can continue to write to the level of praise you've given this chapter.