Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:academica says:
Hi there! I'm here with another requested review :)

This chapter was interesting in terms of the dynamic between the "good side" and the "bad side" narratives. I liked that you kept things fresh by switching between them, and it made the length of the chapter seem shorter and improved the flow.

Pamela's story is absolutely heartbreaking! I can just imagine her, sitting in the ballroom in her pretty dress and wondering where the heck her letter is. I also like that you brought in Narcissa and used her to expose Pamela's true identity. I'm a little confused about what's going on with Narcissa, though - it sounds like the Malfoys lost their house to the Ministry as a result of the war, but did Narcissa leave Lucius? Did he die? Maybe you're going to reveal that story in later chapters.

I think you did a good job with characterization here, too. I especially like Narcissa and Hermione. Again, the dynamic of their dueling personalities helped the flow of the sections at Grimmauld Place.
I also like the "bad guys" - I think Draco and Blaise were both done well, and I could definitely feel the fear that poor Healer White went through here.

I didn't spot too much technical errors here, so that's great. One notable mistake, though, is that Blaise's surname is Zabini, not Zambini. Overall, I'm impressed. Great work, and as always, I hope this review is helpful :)


Author's Response: I was actually a bit hesitant to switch between the good guys/bad guys so much, but I'm glad you thought it improved the flow. I will definitely keep that in mind for future chapters.

I'm really happy that you like Pamela. It's hard to write convincing OCs, and I worry about making her a Mary Sue character. She's a not all that brave/adventurous, so I'm hoping that rounds her off a bit and makes up for the fact that she's athletic and smart. Ah, well, she's not that central to the story, so I'm not too concerned.

As far as Narcissa goes, well, I'm in shock now. I just checked Lexicon, and I was really surprised that JKR apparently said in an interview that Lucius Malfoy was excused for his crimes in the second war. How is that fair to all the people he tortured and killed? And why would Harry vouch for that slippery man, who would just as quickly stab him in the back? Hmmm. I will have to go back and think about that more. Maybe he'll have been killed by an angry relative of one of the people he murdered. Oh, gosh, this complicates things. Thanks for pointing it out, though.

Yeah, Narcissa is just about everything Hermione hates in a woman, all wrapped together in a beautiful and cold package. Hah, hah. Narcissa is the perfect pureblood lady, and Hermione's definitely not.

I'm glad you like Blaise and Draco. I've thought a lot about their characters and their dynamics together. I can't believe I messed up the Zambini part. My beta caught that in an earlier chapter, and I sometimes slip up still when I'm writing.

Thank you so much for your review - as always, very helpful!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 701
Submit Report: