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Review:Voldy Needs a Hug says:
Firstly, I found the beginning paragraph to be extremely confusing. The only tidbits of information I retained from that paragraph was something to do with James' family and his ego. Those two words were repeated way too many times in such a short paragraph.

Secondly, you might want to elaborate further on the reason that Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione were spending the day at the Potters'. Was it to celebrate a birthday? Don't leave readers guessing.

Another point of confusion: How did James bring Rose UNO the argument between Albus and himself? That sentence didn't make sense to me.

I didn't really understand James' logic when it came to determining who apologised first. I understand that he was already grounded, but how does that have anything to do with saying sorry?

Also, I would recommend staying away from texting abbreviations when constructing a writing piece, such as this one.

This sentence didn't make sense to me:
"Uncle Ron had Aunt Hermione to help him be formal"
How can you help someone be formal?

Additionally, how is James Quidditch captain when he's only in his fifth year? That seems a bit young.

I had one comment on these sentences:

"The food was served and everyone began chowing down. Mum was a horrible cook, so thankfully Aunt Hermione was here to help.She definitely hadn't inherited her cooking skills from Grandma Weasley who was a lovely cook."

The "she" in the middle of this paragraph makes it sound like you are talking about Hermione. You should probably revise that to prevent confusion.

I found it a bit strange that Professor McGonagall was still teaching at Hogwarts. In the books, Madam Pomfrey had commented about a woman of her age not being able to survive multiple stunning curses to the chest. I find it doubtful that she taught both Harry and his children.

In general, I noticed numerous spelling, grammar, and punctuation mistakes in this chapter. If you don't mind me asking, do you have a BETA? If not, you may want to consider getting one.

I enjoyed the ending of the chapter. Nice job!

Author's Response: Hey,

Thank you for your review and taking the time to read my story! Ok, I'll definitely elaborate on why Ron and Hermione were there. It was supposed to be just a visit, not a celebration or anything but I can see the confusion.

Well, Oliver Wood was quidditch captain during his fifth year so it didn't seem that far-fetched... But I can see the confusion in the sentences you've pointed out. Thanks a lot for your feedback. It's appreciated.

-Marissa


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