Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Voldy Needs a Hug says:
Ugh. Sorry about my lateness. I've had a rough week. Anyway, here is your review:

Overall, I really enjoyed this chapter. You showed readers a less-known, more juvenile side of James, which I found to be an interesting development in his character.

I was happy to discover that they were no spelling or grammar mistakes. There were several minor punctuation mistakes, but I wouldn't worry about them.

With regards to flow, I found some of the sentences to be very choppy and disjointed. Try not to use the same words more than once in a sentence. That will help reduce reader confusion when they are reading your chapter.

I found myself struggling to grasp the concept that James was oblivious to the fact that his dad was famous for saving the entire Wizarding World. It seems as if his parents would have received a fair deal of publicity on the matter, which James would be hard-pressed to ignore. Also, I would imagine his fellow classmates would pester him with questions regarding his parents, or even ask for their autographs.

Lastly, I feel that James' pranks were a bit too childish for a fifteen-year-old. I think he could have been much more creative when creating his pranks. A trip wire just doesn't seem like a common object in the Wizarding world.

Overall, nice job!

Author's Response: Don't worry about the lateness :)

Thank you for your review. All your comments and constructive criticism was greatly appreciated. I suppose a trip-wire is a bit uncommon and his pranks are a little bit childish but I wanted to go with a simpler touch. I can see where you're coming from.

James isn't supposed to be oblivious to the fact that his dad is famous... Eek, I'm sorry it came that way. I'll definitely go and edit with your suggestions. Thank you!

-Marissa


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 365
Submit Report: