Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:adluvshp says:
AditiDraco95 from the forums with your second review.

Since I already reviewed the previous chapter in much detail, so I am just going to touch on the specifics for now.

Your characterization seems good, as I said. I like Regulus' characterization of course. You have got him pretty well. The pride and stuck-up attitude comes off quite well in your death eaters which is good. I think the swearing was a nice touch to their personalities, since it showed their bad Slytherin side.

As for plot, I think it's going well. I like the way your story is flowing and the pace at which it is moving. Your plot is developing in a nice way.

I just feel that this chapter just had a little too much unnecessary dialogue which sort of interrupted the nice flow. Your dialogue is good otherwise, just make sure that you maintain a firm balance between your dialogue and descriptions. After all, description is very important to your narrative too.

As I said previously, the story has a good reader interest prospective. It is intriguing. As long as you remove a little of the unnecessary dialogue, the readers would be latched on to the chapter.

Oh, and of course, Bess Merriweather's entry was well placed. I love that she's a Hufflepuff. She seems like a match for Regulus too. Good job on crafting her. Just make sure you don't rush into her and Regulus' relationship (if there's going to be one) and take everything at a moderate gradual pace.

All in all this was a good chapter. I liked reading it. Your characters were good, I liked the insight and description you gave. The plot seems to go smoothly. Just remember what I said about pace and balance.

All in all, good work! 9/10

Keep writing!!

I hope my comments were helpful. Feel free to re-request.

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for your review. =)

Sorry that it took so long for me to answer it, but I've been doing some deep soul searching with this story, since I'm not quite satisfied about where it is heading. I have written several chapters more of it, but they just are not quite right.

So this story is on the back burner now and hopefully I will continue it when I figure out how to fix it.

I do appreciate you taking time and reviewing it, it gave me lot to think about.

I'm glad that characters and plot work, the approach to the story is something I'm not so sure about.


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 986
Submit Report: