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Review:ScorpiusRose17 says:
Hi there!

So I am finally here with your review! Sorry it has taken me so long.

I thought that the relationship and friendship that Remus has with Gawain was really well done. I also thought that it defined who Remus is as a person and what he so longs for. A friend that is non judgementive of who he is as a person despite his furry little problem once every full moon. I didn't think it was childish at all.

I found that the story was very believable, especially when his parents are standing there saying their good-byes. Any parent would act that way if there child was leaving them for as long as Remus is. And because Remus has the condition he has it makes it that much more emotional for his parents. They just want to see him happy, but it is always hard letting go.

I think Remus wants to understand why Greyback is the way he is. It's that case of knowledge is power and Remus wants to know how to act the exact opposite of the monster that changed his life. He knows how it feels and doesn't want to follow the easy path and contaminate anyone. I see it as him making a choice between what is right and easy.

As usual when I do reviews I always look for any sentences that seem weird or are missing a word to make it flow better and I found quite a bit in this chapter. I always love being able to point them out, because I know that no matter how many times you go over your own story you'll always miss at least one. So here they are and with the suggested changes.

"Which is your wand arm?" Ollivander said quietly.
*I wasn't sure if this was a question or a statement since you used the word said instead of asked?


"A warmth seemed to spread through his fingers when he first laid hand on the piece of wood."

*When I read this sentence out loud I noticed that it sounded funny. I think that if you add 'a' between laid and hand it would flow better.

"he stopped suddenly half-way down an isle when he reached The Dark Arts section."

*simple misspelling of the word asile

"Each time he felt the bite on his harm pickle as a shiver ran down his spine."

* I wasn't sure if this should be arm or not?

"Remus was distraught, he was convinced that the owl had run away"

* I would consider changing this to flown away since Owls don't run.

"Remus and Gawain continued to play together, and sometimes Remus would send letters to Dad in work"

* Again, this was another sentence that seemed weird when I read it out loud. I would suggest a small change at the end like, 'letters into Dad at work' OR 'letter to Dad at work.'

"Okay," Remus said, a little sceptically.

*Simple misspelling of the word skeptically.

Again, and as always I do not want you to be discouraged by these. This stories greatness definitely out weighs the little things that need improvement. These are also always suggestions in order to help you see how another reader sees your piece. Overall, I think you are doing an amazing job at being consistant with your story and really bringing Remus to life in a way that makes me love the character more than I did before reading this piece of work.

Keep up the sublime writing and I cannot wait until the next chapter!!! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Hi there - oh dear, I am so sorry about the typos! My dad is after going on holidays so I lost my proof-reader, I hoped it wouldn't be obvious, but alas, it was - I am so sorry! But I didn't want to break my routine and not publish for four weeks until he was back, you know? Ah, I am so so sorry about all that!

I've changed them all, the typos I mean - except sceptically - I'm Irish, and that's how we spell sceptically here, I think the skeptically with a k is American... and they spell it sceptically in England too, and seeing as Harry Potter is British, I'm going to keep it at sceptically! :-)

Also, I know what you mean by ran away V flew away. The reason I chose ran away was because Remus is a child, and the phrase to run away means to leave with the intention of not coming back (to a kid anyway), so that's why I chose to use that phrase. The idea of running away features a lot with kids, they always threaten it and sometimes they do actually do it, but always come back at tea-time or something, so that's why I chose that, just because it was a child describing it as he saw it - obviously owls don't run away, but I wasn't going for the literal meaning of the phrase ... if that makes any sense at all!

Anyway, all that aside I can get into the proper review response! YAY! Don't worry about taking so long, it's grand, I know you are super busy and sure the House Cup is on so everyone is distracted by that :-)

I am so glad you like the idea of Gawain, because the owl is going to be important later on in the story. I'm beginning to get very fond of him actually, so I'm so relieved you think he's good, because it would have been soul destroying to have to write him out of this fic - so cheers for that :-)

I am also glad that you liked his parents reactions here too - I loved how you summed it up, they want him to be happy, but it's always hard letting go. Brilliantly phrased, hit the nail on the head!

I am also very relieved you liked the Greyback vein. It's going to be very important later on, and there will be a conversation between Remus and McGonagall (though I may change it to Dumbledore, still unsure), which will basically be that - discussing the difference between Remus and Greyback, the difference between what is right and what is easy.

Again, I am so so so so so sorry about all the typos, I feel like a right eejit right now for not spotting them, but there you are - thanks a million for pointing them out, and I've fixed them, so it's all good! :-)

Also, saying that this story made you love the character more than before you started reading is probably one of the highest complements I could ever get! I nearly hit the ceiling. There is this person on tumblr that hates Remus so much, and it really gets on my nerves, you know? I sort of started writing this story to prove this person wrong, to prove that Remus is a great character, that Remus isn't some selfish git that dumped his wife when she got pregnant, because he was a coward. I don't just want to tell the story of his life, I want to tell the story of his pain, and provide reasons why he did the things he did, just to show everyone why he is a fantastic character and why he is my favourite character overall, because I love him so much, more than I have ever loved a fictional character (though I also have a huge soft spot for Mad-Eye Moody too).

Anyway, thank you so much for your review. I am always very nervous about a chapter until I see your opinion, only then can I breathe easy. Next chapter will be up on Friday and I will drop by your thread and request a review for it when it's up - as long as that is alright with you!

Thanks so much again, I really appreciate this, I honestly do! :-)


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