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Review:manno_malfoy says:
Hi! I'm here with your requested review.

First of all, I would like to comment on your style of narrating this story. It's a great way to make the first-person narrative rather interesting and less forceful; it seems to distract me from all the I's and the me's. Your short sentences sort of amplify what Sirius seems to be feeling and all the worry and the care.

For this is only the first chapter, I cannot tell much about the characterisation of Sirius. Nonetheless, I think that he's a little different from the way he's portrayed in many other stories. Here, to me, he seems a little more considerate and a little less forceful that he usually is, and it's a rather nice version of Sirius to see. Also, it makes me wonder how he is like away from these traumatic conditions surrounding him at this time.

As for Lindsey, I'm eager about her too. I'm still not sure how I feel regarding her, but I'm sure it's still an interesting thing to take on, that James has a sister. It's also nice to see how caring James to be when it comes to her.

For a first chapter, this is rather gripping and the style you wrote it with makes it very attractive; despite that, I think that, in the following chapters, you'll need to add more descriptions and focus a little more on the tangible world of your characters.

Overall, great job, and I would like to see more of this story.

-Manno

Author's Response: Thank you for this review! I'm sorry it took me so long to respond. I feel like you pretty much hit the nail on the head with this one. :) You rock!
-Lucky


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