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Review:LuckySeven says:
Hello! Lucky from the forums here, with a shiny new review sandwich-with extra criticism sauce! :D Lets do this thing!
Title: 10/10 Short, sweet, and to the point.
Summary: 7/10 Hmmm. It sounds kinda sketchy. Some people might avoid it because they could assume that something skeezy may happen. We'll see once I read. ;)
Graphics: 6/10...Just my opinion. I'm not sure if it's on purpose, but it seems kinda stretched looking? I'm not sure. Feel free to roll your eyes. It's just my opinion.
Well, I think that there were some weird spacing issues and that you could certainly use a beta to solve those problems. :) Also, there is a minimal amount of description that makes it really difficult to tell where your characters are and what they are doing. One second, I think they are outside, yet the next, they are in the living room. Its hard for me to tell. I think that if you include description of the surroundings as well as dialogue and internal thoughts, you will fare better. Also, the characters seem very immature, here. I think that was your goal, but in my opinion, you took it too far. They are adults in the middle of a war, not preteens who just finished a sugar eating contest.
You had a sweet moment near the end with James and Lily. I think you should take the idea of him listening to her thoughts, and expand that more. It's an interesting idea and could use more fleshing out and attention than the rest of what you have here.
Thank you for requesting! Feel free to come back any time. :D
hugs,
Lucky

Author's Response: The title just came out from the story while I was writing it :D So all credit to the story ;) I know I'm not good at summaries. Have to redo that. thanks for pointing it out. I didn't make the banner so :)

The spacing issue! I know right. I've been trying to get that right and now I know what to do. :D AS soon as my edited story is updated I'll update this with all the corrections ;)

Sugar eating contest. Good one hehe. Yeah I know. I need to redo that as well. And the description. Usually I'm a very descriptive person and this was my first ever dialogue-mostly story. Didn't go that well did it? Alright back to old techniques :D

I'll request as soon as I'm done with all the editing. I'll add more descriptions like my usual self :D

Thank you for the helpful and constructive review Lucky.

*Hugs*


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