It's Lucky here with your review! :D
I must say, I'm pretty much bouncing up and down to read this because it's marauders. It's Sirius/OC. And those, m'dear, are my most favorite things!
Summary: 10/10 I've never been much for the one line summary, but you said something that actually worked. :D
Graphics: 10/10 You have chapter images too! You have so much more ambition than I do. lol. *I rhymed!*
"I stared back, trying to get her to recognize me, but also to memorize every single thing on her face so I could last for the next few months I was away from her."
-Oh, dear. :( This is quite sad. See, this is the way to open a story, by gum! What kind of uninterested lunatic could stop reading now? Not this lunatic. I'm also relieved that you aren't one of *those* Sirius/OC writers. You know.*whispers* The ones that suck. lol. You have a talent. Beautiful writing! *confetti falls on your head*
“It’s me, Maman, Sera,” I told her and prayed with everything I had in me that today was a good day. I wasn’t sure if I could deal with the disappointment now."
-Ouch. Stop tugging at my heartstrings, woman! :) *sniffle* Poor Sera.
“Always, darling, you don’t have to worry about me. I have your father for company,” she responded, picking up her knitting again. The stabbing in my heart returned at the thought of my dad, who had been dead for two years already."
-*sob*...Ahem. What I mean is...ouch. Don't they have a place for people like her? somewhere so she won't have to worry? This is terrible. I swear, if Sirius is rude to her, I will smack him silly. I don't care if I heart him, he's going down. *puts on smacking gloves*
...see what you did there? You made your character someone special. She wasn't just some random person who we were forced to learn about (ie; I have pink hair and silver eyes and I'm wearing this. *nasally imitation voice*) Your character is a little sweetheart and I want to know more about her! And there isn't another chapter yet?! *glomps*...I sense I should move on. ;)
"“She’ll be fine, my mum is here to watch after her while I’m away,” he reassured, wrapping his hand around my shoulders. “You don’t have to worry about a thing.”
-Oh, good. :) But this is heartbreaking. I can only imagine the things it has done to her emotionally. How long has she been the caretaker in this relationship? *tear* Do I sense Maman getting hurt/killed/kidnapped? I really hope not. It would make me sad. lol. Also, Benjamin=A Good Person.
"“Let’s go get your luggage,” Jonathan continued as he let go of my shoulder and *interlaced his fingers with mine*."
-How old is he? Should I be worried? Is he going to get in Sirius's way? Because that would be a conundrum. Yikes. lol. SCANDAL!
"But little did I know."
-Agh! You sneaky little ninja, with your cliff hangers! And I can't even read ahead?? I hereby command you to tell me when the next chapter is up! *tries to look commanding, giggles, and gives up*
Anyway...wow. I LOVE this. I want to read more. Anyhow, here we go.
The Ever Dreaded ConCrit: Do I have to? *pout* Okay.I'm going to have to COMB THIS STORY to find something I disliked. lol. *mumble* Alrighty: There is nothing I disliked. For cereal. I'm sorry. lol. i loved this chapter. I will try harder with your specific concerns, I suppose *she says in her princess voice*.
But really.good job. I really, really like this. I'm going to break the wall between reviewing and reading for pleasure here!
Grammar: 10/10 I noticed nothing bad, so take that for what it's worth (not much. ;))
Characterization: 10/10 they are OC's so you don't have to hide from the Cannon. And I loved everyone I've met so far. Even Maman, though she most made me sniffle.
Length: 10/10 BUT I WANT MORE! :D
Your concerns: In case you hadn't heard.this is darn amazing! Do I want to read more? YES! (I'm in danger of glomping again. Deep breath.) ;) Everyone seemed realistic and fantastic-like. English isn't your first language?? I never would have guessed. And kudos to you. Because If I tried to write something in Spanish...people would not be impressed. They'd understand, but they'd also laugh a lot. lol. I honestly didn't notice anything, except maybe you say 'she' too much in the opening paragraph. And that's all I got, for sure.
In Summary: You rock my socks. Amazing, wonderful, happy making socks. Thank you for requesting and making me a happy camper. Come back to my review thread any time and please tell me when you put up more pretty chapters!
P.S 10/10, If you hadn't figured that out. *squee*
Author's Response: Oh wow! This is such a wonderful review! I want to frame it and hang it in my flat so I can just read it over and over again all the time!
Haha, I'm glad you liked all those things! And my graphics! atellam has done them to me and they are the most gorgeous things ever! (btw, she also writed marauders and Sirius/OC, you should check it out. She's as talented writer as she is a graphics maker (: )
Aww, thank you ^^ you're making me blush here with all your compliments! But also making me super nervous! I only hope my other chapters can live up to this one d:
Yes, there is a place for people like her, but there is a reason why she isn't in one. It will be revealed later d:
Hihi, I'm all giggly here because you like my story so much! And Sera! That's so awesome! OC's are always harder in that way, people don't connect to them as strongly as they do to canon characters, so I'm really happy you like her already!
A while - again it will be revealed later ^^
Haha, Jonathan is four years older d: and you probably guessed that I won't reveal a thing d:
Next chapter is in the queue! So you don't have to wait long! I'll let you know ^^
Aww, thank you so much! It honestly took me forever to respond to this review because I didn't know what to say! This is the most amazing review ever, seriously. I love every word of it ^^
Haha, I actually write a lot better in english than in my first language!
I'm so so happy that you liked it! Even though I love CC, it's even better to hear there was nothing to correct (x
Thank you! I will definitely be back to re-request! So keep a spot open for me in your review thread (;