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Review:Remus says:
Heya! Perelandra here from the forums with your Pass the Parcel review! :D I'm a sucker for any Ron/Hermione stories so when I saw that you had this one with no reviews, I had to pick it!

This was a cute story! Ron and Hermione felt very close to canon and the idea of them moving to a much smaller house is very believable. Your Rose seems to have lived a very interesting life at Hogwarts, that's for sure!

However, I did spot several spots where it became hard to read. First off, the obvious part towards the very end. I think that's just an uploading problem because your paragraph are running together.

There are times where your sentences are too long/ too wordy. For example:

Shaking her head she headed for Rose's room, it now lay abandoned; the faded purple paint with random square parts that stood out, marking the places where Rose had kept photos of her favorite people and memories, and soft purple curtains were the only things left in the room except for roseís old bed, she had no use for it at the house she was sharing with Scorpious and their two kids, Adain and Ruby.

I know you added the semicolon but I tihnk if you were to break this into two sentences, it'll read so much better. It goes the same with several spots in the fic.

It also became confusing when Hermione was reading the entries. Since Hermione is quoting them, I suggest you add a pair of apostrophes on the quote Hermione is reading. That way, it'll tell the reader that we're reading a quotation and not Hermione's dialogue.

Lastly, I spotted a few grammar and punctuation problems such as missing periods, commas and non capitalized words at the beginning of a sentence or proper nouns.

Other than that...that's it! Sorry if I sound harsh!!

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for reviewing.
I'm glad you liked it!
I'll go back and try to fix the parts where it's too long and I'll definitely fix the ending, as well as doing a general check.
I'll also go and put some apostrophes around where Hermione is reading from the book- I had never thought of that so thanks for telling me!
It didnt sound too harsh, how am I supposed to improve without someone constructive criticism! :)
Thanks again!


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