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Review:BoOkWoRm24 says:
Hi!!!

Alright so I love myself a good sorting story, and I thought this one was just as good as the next.

Your characterization was rather impressive. Sortings give us a good opertunity to really bring out certain traits in characters, and I thought you the ones that you brought out in Narcissa seemed right on point. The way she felt like she had to stay perfect with the stick straight posture and the expresionless mask was great.

The one thing I might work on would be the wording of things. You had a tendency to repeat words. For example in the last paragraph you said:

"Andromeda smiled at her youngest sister and Narcissa gave her a small but grateful smile"

You see how you repeated the word smile? Well when I read that sentence it feels awkward to me because of the use of the word smile twice.

Also the hats diction. Overall I thought it was good, and it seemed to be appropriate for the hat, but this one line bothered me:

"I can see youíre going to be one of those extraordinary Slytherins who will bring a change."

This sentence just doesn't seem like something the hat would say. Or rather its not how he would say it. I feel like something more like "Ah I see you will bring your house greatness, you shall." seems more fit. That's probably a terrible example, but point is the hat was made in the time of the founders, and so when he talks he should either talk like with dialouge a man in the Founder's era could uise, or just sound older, like the way Olivander or Dumbledore would talk to Narcissa. If that makes sence, hopefullly it does.

Anywho this was a great read. It was very interesting to see what was going on inside Narcissa's head when being sorted.

Keep up the great work!

-BW24

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a lot for reading and leaving such a detailed review!

I am glad to know that you found my characterization impressive and liked my Narcissa. Thanks.

Oh, I never realized that I was repeating words! Thanks so much for pointing that out. I will work on it =)

Naw that's not a terrible example, I see what you're trying to explain. I shall work on the Hat's words, thanks for pointing them out to me =)

I am happy you found this interesting, thanks!


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