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Review:maskedmuggle says:
Hey! :) Pass the parcel~
I've been meaning to read the house cup entries, so I'm glad I get the chance to read yours! It's been really interesting seeing what Hufflepuff have done with Susan and the prompts. I think she's the most OC out of all the house champions, so there was quite a lot you could have done with her. The plot idea you had here was really interesting and quite original.

I'm not quite sure I understand the purpose of the bag - it feels slightly like a prop for the story without any real reason behind it? You mentioned there was a foe-glass, a sneakoscope, a sleeping draught and a jacket in the bag, yet the story you told only had the snippet about the jacket! I think there's even more potential with this story - you could write a moment about the foe-glass, the sneakoscope and a sleeping draught - moments from Susan's lives to really tie the story together more (and help me understand why these four items are in the bag).

I really liked the bit with Cedric though! He's the champion, but he was so sweet and kind enough to care about Susan and lend her his jacket! I thought that was great. Again, with the 5 years later scene - I want to know why Susan has a dragon! It seems very random, and it's not every person that can have a dragon if they want to. So all in all, it's a good story, but I think a bit more development could make it even better. Nice writing! :)
- Charlotte

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for reviewing!
I'm glad you liked the plot idea, I wasn't sure where it came from it just sort of hit me!
I'll go back and see what I can do about the bag and also try to put in some more information between her going to sleep and the five years later part.
Again, thanks for reviewing and I'm glad you liked the part with Cedric! :)


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