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Review:The Last Marauder says:
Hi there, I'm here with your pass the parcel review.

I really liked this. I loved your original character of Andy. I thought her ramblings at the start were brilliant. They seriously made me laugh. I love how you got inside her head and wrote the story the way she would speak it if she were telling it to someone. I love how random and slightly insane you made her. It reads so well, and I really felt like I was getting to know the character, which is what you want to do when you make up your own original characters. So I really enjoyed reading her.

I loved how you showed all the gang together - that Hugo and Rose were friends, even though they were siblings - that was a nice touch, because a lot of siblings ignore each other in school, so I just thought it was great that you showed them all together as friends.

Just two little things - you said that James dropped out of school - that was very random and I think you need to give a reason for that, otherwise the reader just recoils and goes, wait -what? So an explanation for that would be great!

And now the second thing, can you please try and fix the spacing? It got a little annoying, and having to scroll so much distracted me from the story, and the massive gaps created a fragmented effect that you don't want to have! You should be able to remove them if you go to the edit chapter function in manage stories and just delete each space - it's a little tedious to do, but it will be worth it in the end, because the physical look of the story on the page will be much better! This is a great opening chapter and I really enjoyed, but the massive spaces did frustrate me a bit!

Anyway, great chapter, I really liked it, all spacing aside! Andy is brilliant, so funny and insane and just likeable - well done! :-)

Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much! It was lovely to read all the amazing compliments and comments you had. I'm so frustrated at the spacing as well, I'm sorry it had an impact on the read :/ Thanks so much for dropping by! :D

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