*superflyingtacklepounce* Hey there! I am here to review you in return-and fulfill your request!
Title: 10/10 That was just an ace in the hole, because shenanigans is one of my favorite words. I approve.
Summary: 10/10 I haven't read your chapter yet, but it made me want to read it, and it matched the title.
Graphics: 10/10 Are pretty darn fancy. And you have chapter images, which is just further proof of how non lazy you are. Because I was always waaay too bum-ish to even go through all the requesting and whatnot. Anyway!
" However, it’s not the packing that makes me nervous; the packing actually puts me at ease. It’s what my parents will evidently discuss with me today that bother me."
-I heart your first paragraph. The whole thing pulls you in to his mood and the whole walking thing just accomplishes so much in the way of identifying with his character and other smart sounding stuff with apparent effortlessness. Go you!
". Watching the birds and insects fly by, the clouds move and change into shapes and sometimes, even a frog or grasshopper would join me on my little promenade. "
-Hey! Imagery! See, I was expecting this. lol. You are better at this than I am. For sure. 1. you used the word promenade, which just made me happy (shrug) 2. You don't tell people 'use imagery' unless you yourself do.and you kick butt at it. *confetti for you* Onward!
-Your writing makes me smirk a lot. It's amusing and I kinda giggle on James's behalf a lot. And I'm only a few paragraphs in. If I quoted everything I like.you'd be rereading your story. ;)
"Let’s just say his “walking up and down the road”, was playing minor pranks around the house."
-Heh. I smirk in your general direction!
" I think my father was famous or a hero or something like that when he was younger. Meh, it doesn’t really matter."
-Hah!...Hah! I love stuff like this. It reads so innocently, but it's there to make the reader snort and think 'Oh, honey. You have *no idea*'. Silly James.
"He had gained some weight since his “glory days”."
-*insert unreasonable pout about Harry being fat here* lol
-Albus is my favorite, just so you know. He won out with sheer snark. ;)
" But, Lily had covered her windows with a thick black fabric. I had to say something before I started to discuss Albus."
-I don't know if it's intentional, but I'm getting I ginormic goth vibe here. lol. Maybe I'm a lunatic.
"“In my honest, trustworthy, brotherly and wise opinion, you should just go for a walk with mum. You two can talk over what happened today with Albus and mum can figure out his punishment.” I exclaimed optimistically. "
Hah! Sneaky Sneaky!! I grinned when I read that.
"For some odd reason, her books were incredibly heavy and felt like they weighed a lot more than they were supposed to."
-Is he being a drama queen, or did I just notice Something Important? Inquiring minds are inquiring!
Ending: Aw, James. Good try. But you Failed. lol.
The Ever-Dreaded Concrit: I did like this chapter a lot, but my one problem was that the whole prank seemed put on to me. I think it just needs some work to be more believable. I truly enjoyed his mental process throughout, but the whole thing just had an artificial tinge to me. This is just An Opinion, though. So no worries. :)
Grammar: 10/10 I didn't notice anything. So take that for what it's worth. lol.
Length: 10/10 It seemed appropriate to me. Not too long or too short.
Flow: 7/10 Like I said, things seemed to be planned out at certain points, but made up to reach those points in a...rushed(lacking a better term) manner. It's a problem that I find in my own writing all the time, so I suppose I'm being a hypocrite. *shuffles feet*
Characterization: 8/10 All of the young characters seemed spot on immature, moody and appropriately mischievous. I suppose I have a small problem with the lack of disciplinarian behavior on Harry and Ginny's part. They seemed kind of like the parents on Charlie Brown to me, which is fine as long as thye stay that way. Again, this is just my opinion.
Overall: 9/10 I liked it and it seems to be a promising and interesting story. I enjoyed the imagery and the snark. There were moments of intuitiveness that made me smirk. Overall, this does need a little bit of work, but I do like it a lot. Thank you for writing this and displaying your lovely ability. Also, I really did enjoy the words that you used (Shenanigans, fiendishly, etc;). No matter my criticism, this seems to be a certain kind of story and everything that I have read so far remains true to your original premise. As long as you continue to do that, this will be a great story. Good job and thanks for requesting and being a steroid filled reviewing machine. ;) You rock my socks.
Have a Splendiferously Fantacular Day!
Author's Response: Oh sweet Jesus this is one LONG review! You my friend, are a blessing sent down to make people bow down to your mightiness and blush furiously at your reviews.
Seriously though, I cannot believe how long this is. First of all, thank you thank you thank you so much! You are extremely sweet and this review just made me so happy! You have no idea how much I appreciate this. My gratitude cannot be expressed into words as well as I'd like it to be.
So I'm really glad you enjoyed this story! It was extremely fun to write this chapter and the humour that went into it was enjoyed by me so I'm so relieved to hear that you thought it was funny too. Humour is really hard to write so the fact that others can understand and appreciate it is great! It makes me feel more confident as an author :)
Oh yes, shenanigans is one of my favourite words too so I'm glad you like it. Haha, I wanted to use that in the title so badly but couldn't think of how to work it in so thankfully, that came up. Woo for random creative moments. LOL. You quoting all the stuff that you liked really made me smile. Like a huge grin on my face. I swear I still have that grin on my face.
You are some genius, some extremely talented creature because this grin is like permanently plastered on my face thanks to you. Haha yes, the imagery. I always think it's important so I try to use it as much as I can. I'm afraid I'm a hypocrite sometimes but I'm glad that the imagery thing isn't where my hypocrisy issues come into play!
Hm okay, I'll work on the flow and the characterization. James is of course the main character so I haven't had the time to properly develop the others. Hopefully, as the story goes on, I'll have time to do that and work on the flow too! :D Thank you so so much for the amazing review!