Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:BoOkWoRm24 says:
Hi!!!

So this story was different to say the least. I can't say that I've ever read a story in which Ron has animated a water tower before, but it was original which was good. The way you tied it into Ron's emotional drama made it seem more believable, and when you made it a dream it became realistic.

Your characterization of Ron was also good. He was angsty, and a bit immature, and you could tell he thought he could do no wrong. All very Ron like of him. And even though I am a strong shipper of Romione, and don't really ever see Harry/Heromione ever working out, you made it work for this one shot, so congrats.

Now there are some areas that could use some work. Most importantly would be your sentence structure. This entire piece felt like simple sentence after simple sentence after simple sentence. Try and vary it a bit more. Add some compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences in there, it would really transform your writing. Also I felt like you started a lot of sentences and paragraphs with Ron's name. Again a little bit of variationi would be nice. Whether you just changed a few Ron's to He's or re worked some sentencing to start differently, it would really help your writing.

But overall this was definitely a very original peice. Keep up the good work!!!

-BW24

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net