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Review:Blue Flame says:
'ello lovely! Here with a nicely wrapped review parcel!

First off, I do have to say this is definitely different from what I normally read! And I was blown away by the fact this is your first fan fiction. Very well done, I would have never thought this was your first. ^^ I even learned a new word from it, 'cause I definitely had no clue 'cognizant' was a word.

Story wise, I do love how you open things up, it sets the scene well and really allows the reader to picture things. I also absolutely love the characterization you have for James' mum (as well as her name!). That paragraph where she's thinking on what Sirius has had to go through, and what she'd do if it had been worse, made me think she's very fierce in a way. This is also something I could very much imagine being canon, honestly. Sirius finally figuring what he wants to do, and having his family kinda stand in the way of getting it. And his pride getting in the way of him simply asking the Potters for the money he needed definitely seemed very Sirius-like!

I am absolutely intrigued by this twist of Sirius arriving with Lily. Poor girl must have been in shock, with that sort of news on her mind! I will definitely be reading on to see just what happened and what's to come. :)

Now just quick things grammar wise-- I would watch out with comma's sometimes, as I think there's a few sentences that might have been better off without one. There was also this one instance here 'apprehension of Sirius was quickly', where 'was' might be better off as 'had'? Just a thought!

And one last thing, as there was a sentence that just kind of had me pause. 'Their name was printed clearly on the black mailbox at the start of the driveway. A mailbox that was mainly for show,', would there be any way to re-word that into one sentence? It kinda broke off the flow of the story for me. Just for a second, so it wasn't a bad thing, but just something to look over!

All in all, this was fantastic! Especially for your first fan fiction! Can't wait to see how this story goes continues =D


Author's Response: Awww this was such an amazing, perfect review. Thank you so much ♥

I'm so happy you picked up on that Sirius arriving with Lily is a twist! He is with her for a very specific reason that really don't come out until chapter 7.

You are an incredible reviewer. You should open up a thread! And tell me if you do so I can stalk it!!

Sirius is.. ahh. I love that fictional man oh so much. He's the one that causes me the most heartache throughout this entire story, but he was so much fun in this chapter because we could take a look at him through James's eyes.

Thank you again for this amazingly perfect ♥


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