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Review:Remus says:
Heya! Perelandra here with your Pass the Parcel review! XD

There were so many to chose from so it was hard to pick one! However, I'm a true Ron lover so I had to pic this one. I seriously thought you were going to kill him towards the end!! I was ready to get my tissues just in case. But no, it had to be a dream! Haha!

I really liked Ron's personality. Despite the humor, and total randomness it had, you were able to keep him just as Ron would act. The fact that he was blaming Hermione for everything, including the monster is very true. Its something he tends to do.

Now for the CC part.

You tend to start sentenses with "Ron did this" or "Ron did that". It felt slightly repetitive saying his name. If you were to edit a few 'Rons' and add in their place "He" it'll flow a bit better. Less choppy.

Also, perhaps this is just me since I'm a visual person, but I think you may need a bit more of imagery/description to help the reader visualize the setting.

Anyway, I suppose that's it!! :D

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Hahahaha out of all the stories you had to pick, you picked this one! This was definitely the worst and most random story i ever wrote. Probably due to the fact that I picked Ron as the main character which i can't write well because i hate him so freakin' much. I'm glad you liked it though. At least someone does even if the author doesn't! If it were any other story I would go back and definitely fix the story, but I spent a year trying to write it and am so done. I finished it as quickly as I could when i picked it back up and swore I would never touch it again. may be some day I will definitely go back and fix the he's... may be the visuals...may be... Anyways I really loved seeing your review! It meant a lot to me! Enjoy the passing of the parcel. Thanks again for the review!


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