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Review:LunarLuna says:
Okay so that was hilarious!^^ I love Louis and am really sad that Louis/OC is so... rare!!! OoO So far I think your characters are interesting though I didn't quite get the feel of Dom yet :) I love the plotline and cliff-hangers are quite interesting ;) And really? A kiss in chapter one? That's unheard of!! xD I like it though :P

The only thing I could suggest is a... tightening in flow? Not sure how to explain it, but your character seems to be a little too rambly, though I know that's what you were aiming for here's one of the little tricks I've learned from years (okay just one) of writing humor: don't insist on the funny parts. If you just slide the crazy odd comparisons and your character's rambly nature as though they were completely normal and not different or weird in the least, it gives a much better effect ;) Just a little tip :P

Keep this up because I like where it's going and it's really good :)

xxx

-June

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for the review! =)

I love Louis as well and since he usually is either a sidekick or just another Weasley, I really wanted to give him some chance to show what he's capable of.

I really like to surprise the readers, so if I got there with the kiss, all the better. =)

I will check the flow, thanks for pointing it out. This is the closest I have ever written a romcom, so hopefully it will work out.


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