Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:TenthWeasley says:
Hello -- TenthWeasleyWriter here, with your requested review! :)

I think that this is a really interesting concept for a one-shot, and I'm glad you chose to write about it. Most of my stories have come about because I wanted to read something and couldn't find a story I liked, so that's always a good motivation for writing! And I've always been a bit curious about this particular scenario, too: What Lily would have said to Petunia, and if she would have forgiven her. I was always under the impression that Petunia cared for Harry and was unwilling to show it, myself, but your spin on things was really neat, because it just shows how differently people can interpret the same portion of a book.

I do rather like how your story didn't have a happy-ever-after, all's-well sort of an ending. With the premise you set up in the beginning, I wondered which route you were going to go, and I definitely think you chose the more realistic one. And Petunia picking herself off the ground at the end, trying to force herself to think that she would be all right -- very, very much a thing that she would do. You wrote her character quite well in this! I've only read a handful of Petunia-centered stories before this one, but I think you really got her accurately here.

Only a few things I spotted:

their eyes instantly found each others -- The "others" in this sentence should change to "other's."

“No” was all that Petunia could manage to whisper -- This is one example of something I saw in places throughout the story, but whenever someone speaks and you use a talking verb after their sentence (said, declared, stated, muttered, etc.) then you need a comma between the word and the end quotation mark. Even if they're through with their sentence, it's grammatically correct. So a comma would come after "No." :3 The only exception is, of course, if it's a question or an exclamation, but you didn't have problems with those.

This was a very interesting story, and I'm glad I read it! Thank you for taking the time to request a review from my thread! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for coming and reviewing for me!

My interpretation of Petunia changes based on my mood each day...obviously this day, I wasn't feeling very kindly towards her.

I couldn't give this story a happily ever after. I almost wanted to, but I just couldn't see it as realistic.

I'm glad you liked the characterization of her.

Thank you for pointing out those mistakes! Usually my basic grammar is okay, but things like with the commas are definitely not my strong point. I'll be sure to fix that when I edit.

Thank you so much!

~Cassie

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net