Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:SilentConfession says:

I'm here for your requested review :D

I have a big thing for Marauder era stories, they are my absolutely favourite! But there i something intrinsically sad about them though because, unless you're writing an AU, their friendship just disintegrates and gets ripped apart. :( so sad. Anyway, onto the actual review before i start blubbering.

I liked how you began this it reminded me of how JKR wrote her work. There is nice imagery and description and it's simple but it gets to the point. Which i think matches your story really well. You don't need the flowery language to tell a good story. I liked that here because it focussed on the important aspects of the chapter, namely, Sirius being missing.

I really liked James, he was so concerned for Sirius and was jumping out of his skin to help him because he knew what it might be like if Sirius were to tell his family. It was nice to see his concern and his acknowledgement that Sirius had a bunch of pride. I think that would take some maturity on his side to realize that which may mark him being ready for Lily. I'm also glad you explained why Sirius went to talk to them because otherwise i'd have been wondering why he would have went back

I really felt bad for Lily and i think you wrote her shock well. However, i thought it was a little weird that Sirius would be trying to get into her house for some biscuits or something. I guess because we don't have any background in their friendship but at this point, i'm going off how i imagine them to be. Which obviously is friendly, but i'm not sure if he'd turn to her after such a huge row with his mum. Would he want her to see his wounds and weaknesses? If he has that much pride, i'd imagine he'd try to hide that from most people. The Marauders are one of the only ones to see past the walls he's built. It would have been more believable for me if he just found her wandering the streets or something and then picked her up.

About your questions... i think it's a good first chapter. There is a lot of action and characters that are introduced that makes the reader want to figure out what the answers are. I think you had some really interesting characterizations here too, Sirius not getting good grades for instance was different and i really liked it. Most people put him at the top of his class. I liked how you've added that aspect to it. It was believable.

I hope you found this helpful and thanks for requesting me! :D

Author's Response: This was very helpful, thank you so much! I'm happy you don't think this story suffers without the flowery language, because like you said, I'm telling a story.

So happy you picked up on Sirius! You'll see some more clues for that. Just remember, characters can lie ;). mwahahaha.

I think they would all be so intelligent, but I think Sirius would be the one to lay motivation for grades. He reminds me most of one of the Weasley twins. He's very smart, but until he knows what he wants to do, he's just not motivated enough.

I'm so happy that this chapter seems to be starting out different for you than other Marauder's era. And I totally know what you mean about it being sad. Every time I go over my outline I get so sad. I think I've finally found a way to leave the readers with at least peace by the end of this, but we know there's now way actually make it happy.

Especially since this definitely won't be AU, and it will go until... well... the end ;(.

Okay, I'm going to start blubbering. Thank you so much for this wonderful review!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 562
Submit Report: