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Review:RosieQueen says:
This was a great first chapter! I liked how I got to know the main characters. Lily, James, and the rest of the Marauders had realistic characterizations.

But where's Peter? I know he ended up as an evil traitor, but ignoring him isn't right. I mean, either way, he was a Marauder. It's not like he didn't exist in that time period. To me, that just seems unrealistic.

Your dialogue tags could use a bit of work. You're using this: ' instead of this: " and I find that really distracting. You don't have periods or commas at the end of your dialogue, either.

Also, your sentences are a bit short. It's like you keep saying: I did this, I did that. You want to avoid that, because it sounds kind of...mechanical. Make sure your sentences have a good flow. You're using "I" too much, and then the flow kind of gets messed up.

There were quite a few grammar mistakes, but nothing that a little tweaking and editing can't fix. :) Maybe you should get someone to beta this for you at the forums, because this story really does have a lot of potential.

Keep on writing! :D

Author's Response: Yeah i know i've avoided Peter for quite a while :/ Thank you for your constructive criticism, i really do need a beta for this LOL and i will try and find one soon seeing as i'm on summer holidays at the moment. Thank you for reading and reviewing it really does mean a lot and i will work on the flow of my writing hehe x

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