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Review:Beeezie says:
Hey, here to review your challenge entry! :)

I liked the way you interpreted the prompt. Your take on the Bloody Baron in particular was really interesting - I'm not sure I've ever read a story that depicts him as a child, and I've certainly never read something that really tries to get at his relationship with Helena while they were both still children.

However, there were a few points that I found a little confusing.

First, while I did understand their ages by the end, I was a bit confused in the beginning. If you'd mentioned how old she was early on when she was thinking about how she felt about the castle - maybe be depicting her thinking about how things might change when she started classes the next year, or something along those lines - it would have made much more sense to me. More of those little details scattered throughout the story in general would have helped alleviate the confusion I felt in other places, and I think it would have made the story stand out more.

My other issue was with the way you depicted her relationship with the Baron. I thought you did a nice job later on (though I did feel that you were perhaps attributing a bit more romantic complexity to the Baron's feelings than really fit his age), but initially, I was a little confused - why would a twelve year old decide to wander to a different part of the castle to visit a ten year old in her bedroom? Why was her room so easily accessible? (Presumably, anyway - I doubt the twelve year old could have handled much of an obstacle.) It was just a little confusing to me.

On the whole, though, this was a fun story, and I think you did a nice job with it. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review Beeezie :)

I'm currently editing this story, you know, working on the confusing points so it's a great help that you pointed out these spots. The age thing is fixed :)

Oh wait I thought I said that Rowena sent Will to deliver a message... Oh yeah I did't say where her room is and all that. Thanks a lot for pointing that out I'll fix it right away.

I love it when I'm pointed in the right direction :) So thank you so much.


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