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Review:Aether says:
Great one-shot! I love reading about Cho Chang. I thought this was a very creative story, and I love how you created this broom-racing contest. It makes a lot of sense that the wizarding world would have competitions like this, and now you've got me thinking about all the potential for stories behind that idea. I also really liked how you are exploring Cho after Hogwarts. I thought it was really interesting that she had fallen in love with a Muggle woman.

I might've liked to have met that woman in the story, or to have learned more about how she felt about being abandoned her family and friends. I also felt that the broom race could have had a faster pace. When I was reading, it felt a little sluggish. I think it might be due to the large blocks of paragraphs. They slow the reader down, which is good sometimes, but it might be counterproductive for describing a broom race. Dialogue can also speed up the pace of the chapter, even if it's just Cho yelling out curses or something like that. It also could have been interesting if Cho had some sort of rapport with her competitors (which would also give dialogue). These are just suggestions. I felt like the chapter dragged just a bit, which felt strange because this was a race.

I feel like you did a great job of incorporating all the prompts. I love the part about dragon blood being used to clean ovens. Hah, hah. :)

I'm here from the review requests section. I'm so sorry for the lateness of my review.

Nicely done! Very creative and well-written. :) 10/10


Author's Response: Hey!

Thank you! I'm glad you like Cho Chang, since a lot of people don't like her. To be honest, I only threw in the muggle woman because I needed a reason for why Cho was there at the competition and why she wanted to win (for money). My thinking led me along the track to.. why would she need money? The only reason I could think of was estrangement from her family, and hence, the muggle woman. I'm glad to hear that it fit though - I wanted to build a background of Cho and have her in the competition for a reason (not just because it fit the plot). Cho and the muggle woman definitely would've been interesting to explore but it wasn't really a developed idea, I wanted to focus on the broom race, and for the sake of word count (since this was written for the House Cup challenge) it wouldn't have been possible.

I'm also really happy to hear that you thought it was creative, though to be honest, I didn't exactly create the broom-racing contest - it's an event mentioned in Quidditch Through the Ages :) But yeah, I agree that the potential for stories like this is wide and I'm so glad I stumbled onto it on HP Wiki!

That was probably one of the things I was most worried about - the pacing, the action and whether it would be exciting or boring, so thanks for the feedback! Oh yeah, I definitely do have huge blocks of paragraphs - at the time I was writing I couldn't really break it up into smaller ones - and I didn't want lots of too small paragraphs. However, I will definitely go back and have a look! And the suggestion of dialogue is also a really great one - the point you make is actually brilliant. Thank you so much for the suggestions and honest CC - they definitely help and I really, really appreciate it. Thank you so much for the fantastic review! :)
- Charlotte

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