Hello -- TenthWeasleyWriter here, stopping by with your requested review! :)
I've read (and written) a fair amount of Marauder-era Remus in my day, but this is definitely one of the most in-depth stories I've yet seen, as far as describing the effects and process of his transformation into a werewolf. I like that you did take the time to analyze and explore it, because that definitely makes it seem more real. I wonder -- have you read Maggie Stiefvater's Wolves of Mercy Falls books? Your description of the werewolf transformation reminded me a little bit of how she portrays werewolves in those. ;)
I liked the sort of duality of mind aspect between Remus and Wolf, too, because it seems pretty accurate to write it that way. I recently read another one-shot about a man-turned-werewolf, though it wasn't Remus, and using a cage as a motif is actually more common than I expected! I think it's an accurate way to characterize things, though, because either man or wolf is always caged up, in some way.
Only a couple of things I saw:
It was a thank you to Dumbledore and everyone else for letting me have a chance at being normal and make Mum and Dad proud. -- Here, 'make' should change to 'making.' Be careful with those sorts of tenses and things, because I think there were a few other instances where you switched, as well. Subjects and their verbs should always agree! :)
This was new to Wolf who spend most of his time in silence -- This kind of goes along with what I said above; 'spend' should change to 'spent.' Sometimes it helps to read our own writing aloud (even if you think you sound mad, talking to yourself!). Whatever parts don't sound right, or are stumbled over, are generally parts where mistakes are lurking.
I think you did a really good job with this piece, especially, as I said, with the emotions and effects of the werewolf transformation. :) Thank you for requesting a review from me, and I do hope it was somewhat helpful!
Author's Response: Heya TWW!
First off, I would like to apologize for taking forever to respond. I'm in the process of moving out, writing, work...RL is kicking my behind! But I am here!
I've never read those books but I've seen them at work. To be honest, anything sitting in our Teen section that has to do with vampires and werewolves I treat it like the black plague. I blame Twilight for it! However, I like to keep an open mind so I'll check it out tomorrow when I go back to my shift.
I'm glad that you liked the imagery. Writing Wolf's part was the hardest since it had to be done without any dialogue. However, it was indeed fun to get down in the animalistic sense and 'think' like a wolf. The dual personality was something was a way of showing people of what Remus was doing and what his life was like. I've read plenty of Marauders fics and they either switch to either James, Peter or Sirius or they just do a 'next day' moment. They never go in-debt when Remus transforms.
I see what you mean about the tenses. I'll go ahead and read through the chapter and change those and look for more. Thank you for the advice! I really appreciate it.
Anyway! Once again, thank you for the advice and review! :D