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Review:manno_malfoy says:
Hi there! I'm here with you requested review!

Unsurprisingly enough, this is the first story I ever read about Dorcas! You've chosen to focus on a character that has only been mentioned once and you've decided to fill in all the obscurity with such an interesting and thrilling back story! Even though my knowledge isn't very extensive when it comes to Marauder Era fics, I know for a fact that we rarely see the war from the point of view of many women other than Lily. I'm pretty sure that Lily wasn't the only one who had someone she would sacrifice her life for. And I'm glad you made sure to include such an aspect in this story. Dorcas seems to be such a lively character and I can't see what else you'll be doing with her.

I also admire how you've established the close relationship between the two sisters. You've shown us how Dorcas always loved Amber and how Amber always had a preference for Dorcas. It makes the Dorcas determination to protect Amber from Bellatrix, around the end of the chapter, very believable.

Despite that, I felt that, honestly, the execution could be improved. You've incorporated so many different scenes and varying emotions, and I felt that you've jumped between them too quickly. Like, I'm reading this one scene and I'm finally starting to comprehend all of the emotions and see things the way Dorcas is seeing it, and, all of a sudden, there's a horizontal line break and we're moving onto a completely different scene. Also, I found myself slightly confused by how, in the beginning, Amber was speaking in jumbles of words -I loved that by the way- and then a few scenes later she was rather fluent.

I wish you could find a way to let the different scenes combine gently instead of separating them and starting a new scene the way you would start a completely new chapter. Because, honestly, this story is wonderful! It's thrilling and eventful and you went right into all of the action, making things interesting and getting me eager to see what's going to happen next. I can definitely see your Dorcas going extensive lengths to protect her little sister.

I also loved the way you've characterised Mad-Eye Moody! The little scene between him and Dorcas was very thrilling and it moved the plot forward wonderfully! It was my favourite scene in the entire chapter!

Anyway, I really am enjoying this story and I'm hoping to see more of it! Good luck with the rest of the story and keep on writing!

-Manno

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for dropping by!

I agree that there had to have been a lot more women besides just Lily involved in the war! I loved the concept of being able to fill in the blanks of Dorcas' life and involvement in the war.

I can totally understand how sometimes the scenes can be a bit choppy. I've been trying to think of ways to work on that, or to, at the very least, make it clearer. I'm considering adding more scenes, or slowing down the ones already there to clarify the time changes. Over the course of the chapter about 3 years pass, which obviously could be made clearer. Later chapters are only one or two scenes, instead of five like this one was.

Needless to say, I'm definitely going to work on slowing down and fixing the things that you mentioned! Thanks so much for the CC.

I'm glad that you did like my characterizations though! I love Mad Eye as well :)

Thank you so much for your help!

~Cassie


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