Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the Common Room.
This was really, really well done. From the outset, I thought you did a terrific job of capturing all of Remus's competing emotions while painting a vivid picture of the things going on around him. I felt so immersed in the story, so connected to the characters.
The way you set up Remus's approach to the Tonks house was a great way to draw the reader in. The small details that Remus fixates on, like the brass door handle and knocker, give us a great sense of his state of mind. I especially loved the accusatory potted plants. Very nice touch!
You did a fantastic job with Ted and Andromeda. The raw fury that Ted is radiating, tempered by the kind man that we know he is, came through with perfect clarity. All of his actions betrayed the conflict going on inside: the outraged, protective father competing with the calm, reasonable man for control. Both the punch he lands in Remus's face and his apparent horror at what he's done were pitch-perfect. I loved the way that you summoned elements of Bellatrix and infused them into Andromeda. You can take the girl out of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, but you can't completely take the House of Black out of the girl. It was breathtaking.
There are plenty of reasons to love Nymphadora Tonks, but her redemption of Remus is always near the top of the list. I always thought it was a shame that there was really no way for JKR to present more of their story, at least not without making HBP and DH even longer. That said, it would have deprived me of the opportunity of reading your version of events, and that would have been a shame. The entire conversation was perfectly executed. In spite of his self-loathing, you didn't have Remus just roll over. He argues back, trying to make her see him as the monster he believes he is. But she wins in the end, not just because she's stronger -- which she certainly is at this moment -- but also because she's right. And she loves him so dearly.
It's so terribly sad to realize that these two wonderful, loving characters will be gone within 9 months of this scene. That fact makes Remus's closing thoughts all the more poignant.
As I was reading, I did notice two things that you might want to take another look at:
-- "He was afraid he wouldn’t have to will to leave if she asked him to." - "the will to leave"?
-- "And so did Mad-Eye and he was as careful and as cautious you get;" - "as careful and as cautious as you get"?
Aside from that, your writing was great. Everything flowed really smoothly and you had a great balance of description and narrative and dialog. You mixed up your word choice well and nothing sounded flat or sing-songy.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you picked this story to review! I'm also glad you enjoyed it!
I'm happy you liked the little details on the door and the porch. When you are in a decisive space, you look for anything and everything to distract you from making a decision - or at least that is what happens to me! I was just drawing on experience really.
I am relieved you liked Ted and Andromeda. I was afraid it was a little too much, especially with Ted. But then I thought, Lupin went and ditched his only child, his daughter, while she was pregnant. He had to watch Dora be miserable for a year after Remus refused to be with her, then when they finally get together he leaves. I'd imagine it must be really tough for a parent to watch their child be miserable, so when I looked at it like that, Ted punching him seemed reasonable. Again, I'm glad you liked Andromeda too - I loved the way you put it, you can take the girl out of the House of Black, but not the House of Black out of the girl.
I'm glad you liked Tonks. She was very hard to do and it took me a good while to get her right. I agree with you - it was a shame we didn't see more of their relationship in the books (fingers crossed for info on Pottermore though, but we will probably have to wait about 4 years or something until we get to that point. hmm.).
I'm glad you liked the conversation at the end. Tonks was always going to win it, as you said, because she is wholeheartedly right, but Remus can't just surrender 30 odd years of self-loathing just like that, they would have to fight it out (verbally), until she finally makes him see what she knew all along - that he is a great human-being.
I know what you mean about it being terrible that they die so soon after this moment - I'm still in mourning over it and I cry every time I read that scene in the books: "Remus and Tonks, pale and still and peaceful-looking, apparently asleep beneath the dark, enchanted ceiling" - just brings the tears out like nothing else!
Sorry about the typos. I've fixed them. No matter how many times I go over it, I still can't catch them all! Cheers for that.
I'm really glad you enjoyed this - thanks so much for reading and reviewing, I really appreciate it :-)