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Review:LunarLuna says:
That's so sad! :( Poor Lily... she lost them both at the same time... that's terrible!

And now, on a more technical point of view because I don't want to start sobbing madly over fitional characters (not that it's never happened before, but you know, I try and avoid it as much as possible) I think that the concept of this chapter is interesting, I like the way it started, weaving us is as though it was a brand new world, as though we had never heard of Harry Potter. Very well done! ;)

I think your narration is stunning *is secretly super jealous* the only things I'd work a bit is the dialogue, it seems somewhat rushed so maybe pay a little closer attention to it? Just try to keep it natural ;)

All in all a very good fic, perfect grammar, nice flow, I can't really comment the plot with just reading chapter one, but I like where it seems to be going.

Good job!^^

xxx

-June

Author's Response: That's exactly what I wanted to do! Obviously we all know about Harry Potter, but I really feel like it makes it start out as more of a 'story' if I try and introduce it...

Thank you so much for your compliment! I will look over the dialogue, though I was sort of going for the rushed tense feel because of their concern for Sirius.

Thank you so much for your amazing words! I will read over the conversations to see if there's any way to add in more natural pauses :)!

Jami


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