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Review:reverie says:
Hey there! It's your fellow Gryffie from the common rooms.

I think this story has potential. It's definitely interesting to end the chapter like that, because the fact that she's Sirius' neighbour is an original twist.

However, I feel that you could really benefit from re-reading this chapter. It's the first chapter of your story, which means it needs to be something very eye-catching. It's quite a small chapter, so I think it'll be easy to correct any mistakes in it. Send me a PM if you're looking for anyone to beta this particular chapter :)

Okay, don't take this the wrong way, but I think this chapter, excluding the end, was droning on. You're also telling the reader all this stuff that doesn't transition well. For example, in one paragraph, you're talking about the girl's father, then suddenly you switch to her pets. The connection here is that she feels lonely without her father because she doesn't have many friends i.e her only friends are her pets. You've forgotten to mention the middle. You've said that she hardly sees her father and that her only friends are her pets, but you've forgotten to mention the rest which would tie the whole paragraph together.

I hope this review wasn't harsh, I really think this story has potential!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your thoughts and input. This chapter was my first serious attempt at writing a fic so yeah it has many faults and I've tried to rectify that without loosing too much of the first edit (simply for sentimental reasons)

I'll try and add a few more details to help with the flow. Thanks again.


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