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Review:manno_malfoy says:
Hi! I'm here with the new review!

I see you've taken a different way to start the chapter this time! Instead of descriptions, you gave us a little sneak peek at what the star of the chapter is like! I like how you're shifting the attention between the characters too, how each chapter, so far, revolves about a different character. And the best thing about the way you wrote this is that it's in third-person perspective so it really is easy to follow and hardly confusing. It also prepares us to see the story from different angles and through the eyes of various characters, which is really great!

As for your characterisation of Lily, I think it's great so far! She's headstrong and she seems to say what she thinks and stands up -treating people equally and so on- for what she believes in, which is very canon because, as we all know, later on she stands up for her own son! I also like how she's rather even-tempered; it makes it easier to admire her. So far, it all seems to be in good context.

Now, onto Lily's exchanges with the other characters! I'll start with James! I actually really enjoyed the little conversation that went on between the two of them. How awkward it was made it seem natural and it fit the situation. I especially liked how Lily seemed to forget that she was talking to the guy who was partly responsible for her losing her best friend then restrained herself; she couldn't balance between her anger towards him and her need to say what she thinks and trying to stay civil -or that's the way I see it anyway. It was really sweet to see that James was putting some effort into making things up to Lily by trying to be a little modest and buying her a small treat and so on.

As for the interaction between Lily and Snape, I can tell you that it hurt to read. It was so beautiful and everything seemed so genuine, I could almost feel the tension and the sadness myself. Here though, because Severus is someone whom she truly cared about, we could see her sadness and anger overcome her attempts to be civil; unlike with James whom she hardly knew. Severus had hurt her in one of the worst ways, and she was still having a hard time absorbing that, which you made very obvious. The contrast between her interaction with James and her interaction with Severus makes things a lot more believable and emotional.

The line that got me, though, was the last one. It made me see how desperate Severus was to earn Lily's forgiveness and it was just so, so beautiful!

Also, I didn't notice anything wrong with the dialogue tags and punctuation.

Overall, this has been another great chapter! The way you make things go is just wonderful and I'm very eager to see more of this story! You're more than welcome to re-request at anytime! Awesome job!

-Manno

Author's Response: Hi Manno! Thanks for coming by again :)

I'm glad you liked the way this chapter started, with the little discussion of Lily's views on autumn. I've been trying to structure this story so that it alternates between Lily and Regulus's perspective, since they're the two main characters, and who knows if another character will get to shine later on? I'm happy that it was easy for you to follow.

I'm pleased to see that you liked Lily. It had been said that she seemed too whimsical, too much like Luna with her head in the clouds, but I think what I was trying to get across there was that she is generally pretty happy. I just get so sick of seeing fiery!Lily and all of the general redhead stereotypes in stories about her. It's great to hear that her confidence came across, too, because any girl who James Potter crushes on isn't likely to be a doormat, or so I think :)

I'm happy that the James/Lily interaction worked here. Again, I was trying to get away from the cliche of them constantly yelling at each other. I feel like especially since their last meeting was pretty awkward, they wouldn't quite know what to say to each other here. You're right, James is trying to turn over a new leaf, and Lily doesn't know what to do with that. It's great that it all worked well!

Yep, you nailed it - it hurt for me to write it, since I'm so diehard Snape/Lily, so I can imagine that it might have been painful to read, too. I'm really challenging myself with this story to make Severus awkward and a little creepy, since I'm usually a little too nice to him :) It's great that you could see the contrast between James and Snape and felt like the emotion worked well in this chapter. You'll be seeing more of that desperation.

Thanks so much for another very kind review! This has definitely been helpful, so you can bet that I'll be back to re-request very soon :)

-Amanda


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