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Review:manno_malfoy says:
Hi, I'm here with your requested review.

This seems to be such a promising story! I can see why you're worried about the narration in the beginning. It may seem a little detached from the rest of the chapter, but I think it adds a lot to it. And since it only comes in the beginning and you don't have it interrupt the flow of the rest of the chapter, personally, I think it's okay.

This is a nice first chapter. Your style is rather gripping, especially in the narration in the beginning, and it makes me want to see what's going to happen next. I think it's nice too that you've decided to seal the chapter with mentioning Fred and George, which makes me want to see what you're going to do with them and how you're going to use them in this plot.

Throughout the chapter, I've noticed that you've made a few mistakes, but nothing grave. For example, around the end of the narrator's part, you used the word 'teenaged' instead of 'teenage'.

Also, this sentence: "A new generation is blossoming that does not carry our scars."
It seems a little wonky to me and I think it needs to be rearranged.

There were another instance or two as well were sentences got a little wonky.

Other than that, you seem to have a solid and promising plot going on. You also seem to understand your main character, Morgan, really well. I only feel that you need to describe to us her physical appearance as well. She's, after all, an OC and such descriptions are important when it comes to a story that completely centres around this OC.

I know you said you have concerns about Chapter 2, but I can only review a chapter at a time, and I needed to read the story from the beginning so I could understand everything. Nonetheless, you're more than welcome to re-request at anytime because I would love to see more of your story.

-Manno

Author's Response: thank you for reviewing!

Ah the funky awkward sentences, I tend to do that a lot XD I'll see what I can do about fixing them!

You've made a good point about Morgan's appearance. In the next chapter I mention it a bit, but now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure she must still be a fuzzy blur in the reader's eye. Appearance descriptions have always been tough for me, since its difficult to make them fit with the flow of the story...ah, decisions, decisions.

Well, thanks again, I think I'll re-request!


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