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Review:SilentConfession says:
Hi!

I'm here for you review request :D

So i think i like where you're going with this, it's a great idea actually and i love the plot that will be moving it forwards. I think the idea of the gene pool being small has been mentioned in the books before by Sirius, however although it may not be necessary novel, it doesn't seem that many people have acted upon it. I love how it's Hermione who is going to be pushing these changes into the society and it makes sense, characterization wise, that she'd do it. She hates inequality and fights for change and so i think you did a good job at presenting that part of personality. The whole genetics thing is a great idea though and i do like where you're going. I love when authors mix in muggle medicine and ideas with the magical ones. So what you have going here is really great in that aspect and will be enough conflict for later chapters.

I think it's interesting how you've made the ideas of pureblood supremacy so prevalent in the Ministry and that the war didn't seem to change that. I can see how the war might might it go both ways (that is, they are either being overly nice to them, which typically happens after wars against a minority group, or that it goes the other way and it doesn't change things and the majority just get scared and try to hang onto their power because they feel it slipping away.) However, i'd really need to see why the war didn't change things, that is a lot harder for me to believe without some kind of explanation to why it's like that. I also find it a bit hard to believe that the whole Ministry would be against her. I don't know how close you are going to canon, but we do know that she did get a job in the Ministry and no matter if she's muggleborn or not, she helped save the wizarding world. That's hard to write off and i'd almost see everyone in uproar if the Ministry dare do that. i'd like to see more motivation to their denial of her. This will make it easier to follow and more believable.

Just a note as to my above comment, i did love how she reacted to the whole thing and i think you wrote that really well.

The break-up. Hm. I'm a little hesitant to believe it myself at the moment. I felt like there just had to be more because i didn't really believe that Harry and Hermione would kiss, even under the influence. I suppose since it's such a big part of the books i felt like it needed a little more explanation. I'm all up for not having Hermione/Ron but it seemed too rushed here. However, i did like Harry and Hermione's reaction to it and how they talked about it and how Harry was making light of it. I thought that part was very well done and well written.

You have an interesting start here and i think it has potential to go somewhere really neat :D Thanks for requesting me and i hope you found my comments helpful. Feel free to re request if you'd like. :D

Author's Response: I guess I hadn't thought about explaining how the war changed society much. Looking back, I really should have, though. That's really the major way that my story is diverging from the canon Epilogue. Thanks - I will definitely go back and add a paragraph about that now.

The reason the whole ministry seems to be against her is VERY well explained later. It's sort of going to be her main opposition. :) I'm hoping that people will hold that skepticism until the third chapter, when that becomes clearer.

The break up? Meh. It's pretty important to the story, and I'm sorry that it's not believable. I tried to make it believable - I even included alcohol in the equation. I tried to stress how lonely they were and how awful the kiss felt. However, I think it's generally weird for people to think about Hermione and Harry kissing, when they seem sort of like brother and sister in the books. I personally don't think friends of the opposite sex can ever completely become like brother and sister. There's always going to be some awareness of the possibility. They aren't attracted to each other, but they love each other. I think that's something meaningful, and it could lead them to try it out, under certain circumstances. Maybe in a few weeks I'll have a better perspective and can make it more realistic.

Thank you so much for your very helpful review! I'm glad you think my story has potential. :)

Aether


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