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Review:Beeezie says:
You requested this review awhile ago, but between RL and holiday, I haven't had the time to fill the request until now. I was going to finish it up during the review competition, but then you were appointed our Champion, so I figured I'd wait until the task was over.

At any rate: here is your review. In the future, please shy away from "general review" or "general feedback" when requesting from me. ;) I just like knowing what exactly the person is concerned about, you know? You did include specifics as well, though, so I forgive you. :P

I think that this is a really promising first chapter. You did a nice job setting the mood with your description; putting Andromeda aside (for a moment), you spent a lot of time on the actual setting, especially early on, and I think it paid off. I had a clear picture of the scene in my mind as I read the first paragraph, and I could understand why it had the effect on her that it did. You creeped me out, and I was glad that she was running for the door!

I also really got a sense of Andromeda's emotional state throughout the chapter. Obviously part of that is because you explicitly outlined what her emotional state is (crying, insomnia, etc), but part of it was just what you conveyed from how you described her actions and thought processes. That helped the character really come to life for me, which I liked.

However, all of that said, there were some things I think you could improve on.

The first thing I want to mention - and this is really more a matter of personal taste than anything else - is the length of your paragraphs. It's not wrong to have longer paragraphs, of course, but I think that breaking them up more would allow you to put more emphasis on specific things. That was especially true in the last paragraph; the last sentence would have stood out and been much more dramatic if you'd made it its own sentence, but as is, it just felt like an add-on to her getting water - which isn't the sentiment I think you were going for, though I could be wrong.

Additionally, as I mentioned, I like the first paragraph, and I feel like it's very effective in pulling the reader (or at least, this reader) into the story. However, there were a few points where I felt like your word choice or phrasing was a bit awkward. Drawing attention to her eyes and lips was good, but I wish you'd done it in a slightly different way. If the streetlight was dim, how did it provide enough light to show the colour of her eyes or lips with the vividness that you're describing? I also wished that you'd pushed a little further and given more information about what she was wearing. That generally doesn't really matter much to me, but here it was relevant because you were talking about how cold it was and how that was affecting her. A little more detail there would have really made the paragraph pop (so to speak).

Honestly, I think you could have used a little more detail, anyway. You had a fair amount of it, but I felt a little lost about what exactly is going on with Andromeda, and a few hints would have been nice. It's the difference for me between intrigue and confusion - there wasn't any hint that I saw (though maybe I missed it) about what exactly was bothering her so much, and I felt like you needed that. It didn't have to be much - just a mention of feeling abandoned or seeing a picture on the wall that made her cry or freaking out because the door squeaking brought back a memory… something, you know?

On the whole, though, this was a nice first chapter. I'm sorry again for the delay, and I hope I was helpful! :)

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