Your description is something that always draws me to your stories. It's simple, and in that way, it makes the scene more vivid. Most authors tend to overdo it - in my opinion anyway. You took the audience from the castle grounds, and sort of panned in to the goings on in the Great Hall - like something I'd see in a movie. I thought that was a nice touch. At the same time, you've set up something with the environment, it makes it seem like if this change in weather was beyond nature's control of it. Maybe I'm reading too much into that.
I love that you used the 'old guard' of Slytherin house instead of creating completely new characters. It reminded me of the earlier books where the parents of these boys were on the Quidditch team, carrying out the same types of strategies, and probably making the same kind of deals. I thought picking Scorpius mirrored when his own father was picked for the Slytherin team, and this information was revealed to the others.
I must admit, I got a bit confused as to who was talking at some points - namely after Montague's reaction to Rose's selection. Whether it be Albus or James. I dunno if I read it wrong, but I figured I should point it out anyway.
Again, you mirrored similar scenes that the characters' parents would've been in when they were at Hogwarts. Draco's shrewdness, and Ron's eye for chess. At first one might have thought it was over for our Rose, but the chapter wasn't quite finished yet. It always seems like if the entire world is against Slytherin House - maybe I'm biased.
What I found most interesting was the interaction between Rose and Scorpius after everyone else left. It was one of those moments when you can quite honestly say "but there was something about her/him", and it would be true. They're not sure how they are drawn to one another, but there it is.
Author's Response: These reviews! I'm sorry to have left them for so long - they're amazing and detailed and everything I ever could have wanted. However, that makes it ten times as hard to respond to them. :P
It's fantastic that you like the description in this story, particularly in this first chapter. I wanted to set the tone of the story relatively quick, and although I have a tendency to overuse pathetic fallacy, it suits this introduction incredibly well, and the entire plot falls into place around this one moment - a game of chess. It's not only a game between Rose and Scorpius, but also between two sides of what would become a war, all starting with a stormy afternoon.
You know, I never thought of the Slytherins as mirrors for their parents. I developed Rose around her mother's logic and father's talents with chess, but I never even thought of Scorpius reenacting what happened to his father. It's so cool, though, because it fits - all that's different with Scorpius is his personality, but he's still the privileged Slytherin pureblood, treated well by his fellows because of his name. I do talk about history repeating itself in the final chapter, but it's interesting how that was already appearing here at the beginning.
I'll take a look at the dialogue for Albus and James. I think I was trying to hard to maintain a formal syntax and when it came to having two Potters, it just fell apart. Thanks for pointing that out!
That's just it about Scorpius and Rose. It's somewhat cliched, but in this story, it works because it was the same for Romeo and Juliet. It's not necessarily love, just this strange attraction, like something forcing them together against their wills. It was an interesting aspect of this story, writing that kind of moment.
Thank you again for reading and reviewing this story! It means so much to hear from you! ^_^